Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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Here comes that same new idea for Italian schools

Rome - January 30, 2015 - Students at Italian primary schools will soon be able to learn subjects in English, Italy's education minister has announced.

“From September there will be the possibility to have proper English professors who teach, working alongside the teacher, a subject in English,” the minister told the news agency.

At the moment the measure is focusing on pupils of primary school age, rather than older schoolchildren, the minister said.

“I know that it will take time,” the minister stated. “We are setting up a national model for the next generation of English teachers.”

The new selection process for teachers will also target Italian language teachers for children who are not native speakers, the minister said, reflecting Italy’s growing linguistic diversity.

 

Never fails... Every time Italy gets a new DIY government, whoever's turn it is to be the Minister of Education wipes the dust off the idea of introducing school subjects in English.

Before setting up that model, how about if we fix a few quirks we have with the Italian language?

bulletEnglish children are taught to avoid a run-on sentence and lighten sentences of unnecessary words. What insane academic committee stated it's fine to teach Italian children how to write one sentence that covers an entire page?
"The quick brown (insert 68 words) jumps over the lazy (insert another 51 words and a brief life story)."
 
bulletThis passionate love affair Italians have with the semicolon has to come to an end. It has always had a reputation of being worthless punctuation. We see enough of it in our Italian utility bills, cooking recipes and children's comic books!
 
bulletThe English are taught to write clear and to the point. It's like modern art, less is more. Why use four words when one will do fine? Italians are taught to write more like Dante. Why write about one circle of hell when you have nine? A production of Hamlet is less complicated that an Italian third grader's description of what he did for Easter vacation.

Last but not least, we'll be looking forward to the teachers' class notes in English such as the following:

bullet"Per festeggiare la sufficienza in arte Lorenzo S. spara un fumogeno dalla finestra dell’aula."
"To celebrate his passing grade in art Lorenzo S. fired a smoke bomb from the classroom window."
 
bullet"(In nord italia) L’alunno Dario L. giustifica l’assenza del 10/11/2014 per: Ha ceduto una diga in Puglia (sud italia)."
(In north Italy) “Student Dario L. justified his absence of 10/11/2014 with: A dam broke in Puglia (south Italy).
 
bullet“L’alunno Alessandro S. assente il 16/03/2008, motivo: Dovevo picchiare bene il mio cugino”
"Student Alessandro S. absent on 16/03/2008, motive: I had to give a good beating to my cousin."
 
bullet “Metà della classe è assente, l’altra metà tenta di convincermi che gli assenti non sono mai esistiti.”
"Half of the class is absent, the other half is trying to convince me that the absent never existed."

 

What would Jesus think of the free haircut & shave at the Vatican?

Vatican City - January 29, 2015 - The homeless will soon be able to use not only hot shower and toilet facilities but also a barber service in the Vatican.

Haircuts and shaves will be available to the poor and homeless free of charge on Mondays, the day on which barber shops and hairdressers in Italy are usually closed, starting on February 16 under the auspices of the Office of Papal Charities.

The service will be provided by volunteer barbers who have already donated razors, scissors, brushes a mirror and a barber's chair toward the effort.

 

God bless pope #266! A pope who's trying to bring hope. He's living the part, trying his best to reorganize that Vatican and bring some moral order to it.

It's nice to hear the so-called Office of Papal Charities are taking never seen before initiatives...but they've been mediocre so far. The holy salon service caught world attention and brought much needed publicity, but what about their other fabulous initiatives like:

bulletGiving out 400 sleeping bags to the homeless over Christmas (what happens when a Vatican employee finds a great going-out-of-business sale with a sporting goods store on Ebay),
 
bulletDistributing 300 umbrellas left by tourists in the Vatican Museums ("fanculo!", when it rains, it pours! From the holy coat check room to the holy "lost and found" to you on the street...you know, for keeping dry in your sleeping bag when it rains).

On a happy note, the Vatican did warm the hearts of many Catholics and non with the salon service, which, by the way, is paid for by donations...and the sale of papal blessings (6 to 30 Euros each).

We know what you're thinking, "Oh, cazzarola, I have to get a blessing from the Pope and announce it to everyone!"

Slow down...there's no blessing involved. A blessing is just a holy word for personalized lettered scrolls on parchment, marking milestones like baptisms or marriages. Most of it is computer generated and include a photograph of the pope, flower designs, sketches of Rome churches and script lettering. The closest it comes to being considered blessed by the Pope is if he happens to be within a 500 meter radius of the closet where the parchment is stored.

And regarding those volunteer barbers who you'll be seeing at the Vatican, rest assured they're super fans of Christ.

The ones with a huge picture of the Blessed Mother in their barber shops...hanging over the jar with the combs in the holy blue water.

 

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4 reasons why half of Italians want to get the hell out of Italy

Rome - January 30, 2015 - Nearly half of Italians would like to leave the country and live abroad, according to a recent poll.

This marked an increase of 8% from 2006, two years before the global economic crisis hit the country, said the Eurispes polling agency.

It also found that almost half of Italians, 47%, say they can't make it financially to the end of the month. This was 16.4% up on last year, Eurispes said.

Four out of ten Italians think the Italian economy would do better if the country left the eurozone.

The percentage of Italians that want out of the euro jumped from 26% at the beginning of 2014 to 40% this month, said Eurispes.

The poll also showed that nearly half of Italians are paying medical bills on installment plans, part of a growing trend for all kinds of spending.

 

We've had it this time. Seriously. "Andate tutti a 'fanculo!"

After years of relentless recession Italians are fed up with the country, Europe, the Euro (our expensive whore currency), the Mafia, institutions, corruption, post office, alley cats...you name it! Anything with the prefix Italian attached to it.

1) We're no longer pro-European. We had greater trust in EU institutions than in our own, which have long been taken over by the rancid cheese type smell of corruption and an out of control 2 trillion Euro debt. How did it get that high?

bulletOh, the "figli di puttane" in all the past Italian governments played it real smart. They sent a gigantic supply of social studies, science, Latin language and religion books to the schools so that Italians wouldn't study math!
bulletIf Italians knew just basic accounting the first words out of their mouths would be, "Oh, cazzo, what the hell is this!?"

2) Most of Italy’s natural flora and fauna is gone due to centuries of cultivation. And most of our natural wildlife has also disappeared due to another race of "figli di puttane" who have to over-hunt.

bulletWe take our lives into our hands during the olive picking season. At any given moment when you're up in the trees picking, you could hear shotgun pellets fly over your head.
bulletOr when they shoot an old rooster in your backyard because they swore it looked just like a wild pheasant.

3) We suffer more earthquakes than any other Europeans and Californians. Unfortunately, it's a supernatural force that has brought mass destruction in Italy's past...but won't change the way of thinking and reasoning of some Italians. For example, when you're in the kitchen and hear the monotone voice of a relative asking incoherent questions:

bullet"Franco, when you built this table...how long did you make it and what kind of wood is it?"
bullet"That herd of sheep over there...is it going to graze on that land or on that other land?"

4) Our birthrate is the second lowest in the Western world. Political leaders and the Church have expressed concern and have offered cash bonuses to push us to have more than one child.

bulletBut it has nothing to do with either post-war economic booms or the current recession. The birthrate drop has been a part of Italian life for over 40 years. The truth is (and we're the only ones to admit it) Italians are getting sick of...other Italians.
bulletCan't you see we've long stopped believing in the future and in life in Italy. Better a slow extinction than to hear an Italian couple with a newborn insist, "The bishop must bless our offspring with more emotion. Giuseppe will grow up to be a man of destiny!"

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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