Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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Santa Claus doesn't exist! And as far as godparents are concerned...

Genoa - February 2, 2015 - An elderly priest has set off hysteria and rage among some of his parishioners by telling families gathered for mass that "Santa Claus doesn't exist".

A number of families and children attending a mass in Rapallo walked out in bewilderment when Father Pasquale Limoncini, aged 89, berated in his homily what he called "not exactly sober" Christmas decorations organised by the local town hall two months prior, including the construction of a "Santa Claus house" on the beach of the Ligurian resort.

Fr. Limoncini went on to declare that "Santa Claus doesn't exist" and called for the poverty and humility of the baby Jesus and the Virgin Mary to be taken more into consideration next Christmas.

 

Absolutely! Grazie, Father Limoncello! It's fun to see this issue still itching you 2 months after the holiday season ended.

And it's a good thing no one mentioned Mrs. Claus and her unsaintly upbringing. Maybe she will come up during a sermon for Lent Season when the Father goes off again about that mangy Easter rabbit.

While we're at...as good Catholics, we feel there is another important issue that should be addressed with our readers: Godparents!

Godparent qualifications (baptisms): A godparent can be anyone 16 years or older, and even appointed by a parish priest.

bulletSee how you can avoid family arguments over the choosing which can last up to the child's first communion? Just ask any cousin who's at least a junior in high school and it's done!
 
bulletHowever, make sure the teen instructs the child throughout life on Christian values, duties to the church and guaranteeing that all baptismal vows are kept (preferably on video so that everyone can get a good laugh).
 
bulletBy the way, it's not written anywhere in the Gospel that the godparent must give/receive royalty treatment. And there's no need to bathe the Italian infant in milk before trotting down to the Church. It's just a loaf of bread that lies there and does nothing just like any other baby.

Godparent disqualifications: The aforementioned teen could be disqualified for the following motives:

bulletHe received an official excommunication from the church: The truth will be hard to track down with this one. Google him or ask his high school principal. You might have better luck if he goes to a Catholic high school for they'll never give up an opportunity to reprimand and embarrass a student all in the name of Catholicism.
 
bulletHe's a public sinner: Who isn't!? But in our humble opinion (and we think you'll agree), this should depend on what he was caught doing in public.
 
bulletHe is involved in a mixed marriage AND believes your child has the right to choose his/her own religion: It's safe to assume here that this type could never be considered godparent material. Besides, he'll never have the chance to express his cockamamie belief because, as far as your family and relatives are concerned, he and his mixed wife are outcasts.
 
bulletHe believes all religions are equal: "Porco Giuda," all hope is lost. Italians can't be bothered with these converted peace-loving hippies. Cross him off the candidate list and ship him off to Father Limoncello to see what he can do.

 

What Berlusconi's reduced community-service sentence can teach you about life

Milan, February 2, 2015 - A Milan judge ruled that ex-premier Silvio Berlusconi should be able to end 45 days early the one year of community service he has been serving in relation to a definitive conviction for tax fraud (368M Euros or $412M USD).

Although the media magnate and political leader will still be banned from holding or running for political office the community-service discount was hailed by his allies as "great news" and a reward for his "good behavior".

Since May Berlusconi has been helping out with Alzheimer's patients at the "Cesano Boscone" care home near Milan, after his August 2013 conviction for tax fraud on the trading of film rights at his Mediaset empire. Prosecutors had opposed granting Berlusconi the early end to the community service which will be March 8th.

Berlusconi recently vowed to be "back in the field in March", anticipating the verdict.

In the tax-fraud case, his only binding conviction, and a string of other legal problems, Berlusconi has always been adamant that left-wing elements in Italy's politicized judiciary have been waging a 20-year campaign to drive him out of public life.

The tycoon-turned-politician was acquitted on appeal last year of paying for sex with an underage prostitute, on the grounds that he did not know she was only 17.

He is currently facing trial for allegedly bribing a businessman who allegedly provided him with escorts not to talk about it.

Other pending cases include allegedly bribing senators to change sides and involvement in the publication of an illegally obtained wiretap that hurt a rival.

 

Ok, you might want to strap yourselves tightly into your seats while we go through these lessons on the President of Pepperoni, our hero. "Porca trota," this is something that should be on Barbara Walters.

bulletMath: Defrauded Italian government 368M Euros ($412M USD). Sentenced to 4 hours of community service per week for 10 months.
That's 1 one hour of service for every 2M Euros defrauded. Our news staff had to figure this one out on our fingers and toes because we kept smashing our calculators every time we came up with the same number.
 
bulletMedicine: Several late-stage Alzheimer's patients at the care home declared their memories had somewhat miraculously returned after experiencing close encounters with Silvio, which usually involved lame and sexist humor.
The big wise-ass packed in a little body should be nominated for a Nobel Prize in Medicine.
 
bulletReligion: Every time the Italians are presented with the yearly opportunity to eliminate Silvio, his so-called "opponents" in Italy's Center-Left Party and the judiciary system create the loopholes to save him and his media empire.
Those "figli di puttane", sons of bitches, did a more impressive job of resurrecting the creator of Bunga-Bunga than Jesus did with Lazarus.
"Cazzo,"
we can't wait until he returns to his TV channels and speeches, promising the Italians he'll part the Red Sea.
 
bulletSocial Studies: March 8th is International Women's Day; a celebration of respect, appreciation and love towards women, along with their economic, political, and social achievements.
He will also be celebrating with many women on this day...for March 8th is his last day of community service.
"I have always highly valued women because I genuinely believe that they are one step ahead of men: they are better at school, college, they are smarter, more capable, more responsible. So, I have always made sure that every woman has felt, let's say...special." (Silvio, Ansa, February 14, 2011)

 

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3 reasons why soap operas and Italian life are similar

Vatican City - February 3, 2015 - People should not waste valuable prayer time by watching soap operas, Pope Francis said.

"They should also not spend time that could be given over to prayer by listening to idle gossip," the pope said at a Mass in St Martha's House, the Vatican hostel he lives in.

"At home, 15 minutes, pick up the Gospel, a small passage, imagine what happened and talk with Jesus about it," said Francis, who has often stressed the importance of prayer.

"So your eyes will be fixed on Jesus and not so much on a TV soap opera, for example. "Your ears will be focused on the words of Jesus and not so much on your neighborhood gossip", said the pope.

 

We know, we know...soap operas and other "works of the flesh" are of zero value to the spiritually-minded Italian Christian. They will not help us “grow in grace and knowledge." We've heard them all from Padre Nino on Sundays when he expresses himself like Yul Brenner.

But what the good Pope doesn't understand is Italians need soap operas because...we live the made-up dramas of soap operas every day! So, we need the tips we pick up from Brooke, Ridge and Stephanie on Bold and Beautiful (Italy's favorite all time soap) to help us stay one step ahead in the Italian life.

Similarities between soap operas and Italian life:

  1. Familiar family dramas:
    Soap opera families are just as recognizable as Italian families, and they mean business. The dramas are dead serious, so much so that it's not uncommon for them to last 40 years or more.
    Example: (Think of any seemingly rational argument that suddenly turned into absolute idiocy that reached higher and higher levels.): "Fanculo, I can't believe what I'm hearing! Where am I? Do you want the kitchen knife back or should I leave it in my back!?"
     
  2. Our story lines last forever:
    They evolve over time, so something that happened years ago could still affect the characters now. Family members that were enemies become family and then enemies again! And innocent relatives closely watch, just to see the next evolution of the plot.
    Example: There's always the belief that 82% of inheritances go to family members who don't deserve them, and as a result an entire family generation could be declared an enemy. You see, most poor Italians have so-called "nothing" to pass on...but there are always the long and heated discussions on how much of that nothing a relative should get.
     
  3. Cliffhangers:
    Who has more cliffhangers than soap operas and Italian families. Soap operas take you right up to the edge on a Friday afternoon (with Italians, at large family lunches on Sundays) and then leave you dangling, wondering what's going to happen.
    Examples: What's going on? Another backstabbing? What did she say she did with the money? He's cheating again with who? What do you think the baby will be, another jackass or whore?
    Suspense like that definitely keeps viewers and relatives coming back.

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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