Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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March 2012
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"Daddy To Continue Paying Allowances To Unenergetic 41-Year-Old Child"

(03/26/12)

 

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"Oggi, le palle sono leggermente girati...leggermente."

(Regarding "Italians Bid Their Luxury Cars A Tearful Goodbye" article)

First, the cars I see are not being shipped to the USA. That's because the crafty politicians and millionaires already have one, two or three. They are not worried about the tax collectors coming after them, because they make up the laws and they sure are not going to change them any time soon.

As for the people on welfare, they eat better than I do. I'm trying to figure how I can get on the system since I'm supporting them, I'd like to start supporting myself.

The easiest way here in California is to get arrested, go to prison and live like a queen. Free food, free medical, watch TV, read and kick back, and people think prison is bad. Everything is paid for by the taxed underdogs. Keep up the good work. Gloria B.

Thanks for the feedback, Gloria. It appears you want a lot of satisfaction and you deserve it. We're not 100% sure why for we zoned out after the second sentence.

True, you could go to prison and live like a queen (California prisons must be pretty and cozy). Why not try to invent a system that makes you 1 billion dollars, gets you arrested, convicted to 15 years in prison, makes you serve a year...and then sends you home thanks to your allergies to the vegetables on the prison menu?

See, Gloria? Got you thinking there...        

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,             
"Only In Italy" Staff      


Special Italian Company To Continue Oil Imports From Iran...Because It's Special

Rome - March 25, 2012 - Italy's biggest oil company, Eni, obtained a special exemption from oil sanctions against Iran, which enables it to continue receiving Iranian crude despite the EU oil embargos on Tehran, an official said.

The company's CEO Paolo Scaroni told reporters on Friday that the company has obtained a special exemption from the sanctions which enables it to continue receiving Iranian crude despite the EU oil embargo on Iran.

"The amount is in a range of 1.0-1.4 billion USD," he was quoted by a national paper as saying.

Scaroni added that Eni was exempt from the embargo since it was the subject of a "special rule" granted by both the United States and the EU based on which the oil it receives from Iran is considered as the payment for the investments it has already carried out.

He stated that under the agreement, Eni will receive about 10,000 barrels per day of crude oil from Iran.

"The loss of Iranian imports can be painful for the Italian refining sector, which has been traditionally heavily dependent on Russian Urals crude and Iranian oil," Scaroni said.

Italy's crude imports from Iran accounted for 13.7 percent of the country's total oil imports last year, when Iran was Italy's fourth-biggest oil supplier, according to data from the country's oil refining industry body, Unione Petrolifera.

After months of debates, the EU member states eventually reached an agreement in their meeting on January 23 to sanction oil imports from Iran and freeze the assets of Iran's Central Bank within the EU.

Don't you love the way we can get away with just about everything? "Si", we're special.

There's no doubt the USA and the European Union express anger behind our backs on a daily basis with our incompetence, jealousies, ignorance and unwillingness to do our part of the work. But we put on that smirk, lay on the charm, bring out the dish of antipasto with a bottle of Chianti and all is forgotten.

It's like falling in love with a prostitute. "Porca puttana", it's annoying and irritating, but it's almost impossible to get away from her. "Si", she's special.

Have you ever had to deal with our magnificent race? Of course you have otherwise, you wouldn't be reading this moronic newsletter. We know exactly how you feel.

Italians observe, reflect, choose, change their minds, choose again, eliminate, accept, whine, and protest...while the rest of Europe just smiles. EU leaders take advantage of the moment to ask themselves what the meaning of life is and check to see if the financial markets are holding out. "Si", we're special.

It's called "clientelismo", our beloved disciples. The culture of looking after your friends and family, and keeping outsiders out of the loop.

Go ahead, go get Kissinger to help intermediate...and we'll continue swinging that hula hoop around for another half an hour. "Si", we're special.

 

Daddy To Continue Paying Allowances To Unenergetic 41-Year-Old Child

Venice - March 23, 2012 - Italy's top appeals court has ordered a separated husband to keep paying towards the upkeep of his unemployed 41-year-old daughter.

The Cassation Court, whose rulings set precedents, reversed a 2006 lower appeals court sentence that the man could stop the payments, saying "separated parents' obligation (to pay) persists until they can prove children are economically independent".

All of us on the news staff are in our late 30's and 40's and we're proud to state none of us have the "coglioni" to demand allowances from our parents. Why risk a slap hard enough to straighten out our crooked teeth?

We have no idea who she is, but do you have an image of her burning in your mind as we do (or the slap for the crooked teeth)?

Are you picturing a woman who:

1) set back the Womenís Movement 47 years?
2) sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them?
3) basically paces herself like a slug?
4) gets sore from making an espresso and says, "Mamma mia, I have to go lie down"?

And could you believe this middle-aged Italian child could ever be economically independent? Oh, she would be an extraordinary asset at your company. However, we hardly think being able to dial a phone upside down should be considered a job qualification.

You know, we still can't understand how that Cassation Court reasons. The irony is that Italy, with our 150-200,000 laws, is as a result almost LAWLESS! If you live in a country with so many laws like ours, they can do anything for you. You can twirl them, mix them and rewrite them. Italian laws are like stupid playing cards. You simply have to shuffle them and lay them out to satisfy yourself.

Oh, but the poor "figlio di puttana". You have to feel for the father.
This is a man who was dealt the two of spades, 3 jokers and a losing lottery card. The "povero disgraziato"...

 

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Tuscany Wine Tour is the ultimate experience for anyone who loves wine, culture & fun! The week long tour includes all meals, 9 cellar visits with tastings, museum entrance to see Michelangelo's David and much more. Join us in making lifetime memories in September 2012. Visit tuscantourguide.com for the full itinerary!

 

Convicted Sicilian Mobster Freed Thanks To His Allergies To Vegetables

Rome - March 23, 2012 - A convicted Mafia mobster has been freed early from his 15 year jail term thanks to his allergies to the vegetables on the prison menu.

Millionaire Michele Aiello, 56, told the judge at a special appeal hearing he was intolerant to beans, peas, spinach and all other types of greens offered to inmates serving time in prison.

Lawyers acting for the businessman provided medical certificates as evidence in their argument for Aiello to be released after serving little more than a year of his original sentence.

He was arrested in Palermo in Sicily in 2010 and charged with being the financial genius behind a Mafia money laundering operation.

It saw him lending his name and that of relatives to dozens of companies and properties so cash from criminal activity could be recycled and laundered.

Police said Aiello laundered more than 800 million Euros (+1 billion USD) for jailed Mafia Godfather Bernardo Provenzano, who was caught in 2006 after almost 40 years on the run. The two were said to be 'close associates' with the mobster investing personally in the businessman's numerous activities.

Aiello had been serving his sentence in a maximum security jail at Sulmona in central Italy where a spokesman admitted the menu was 'mainly vegetable based'. Dishes included 'pasta with beans, rice with peas, cuttlefish with peas and minestrone soup.'

His lawyer Sergio Monaco said: 'The menu that was being offered to my client was completely incompatible with his medical condition. There were far too many vegetables being served and he is intolerant to them and it affects his health.'

In her ruling judge Laura Longo said: 'The prison food offered does not permit a diet adequate for the inmate and according to article nine of the Italian penal code prison food must be adequate, healthy, sufficient for the age, gender, state of health, work season and climate.

'In this case continuing with the prison diet raised the possibility of the inmate have a hemolytic reaction and that is absolutely not permissible.

'There is a serious and concrete risk to his health if he remains in prison and eats the menu offered and he therefore cannot remain inside.'

She then ruled that he should be given house arrest in his home town of Palermo.

Today there was amazement in Italian newspapers and in TV and radio reports carrying the story calling judge Longo's decision 'astonishing' and 'incredible'.

One outraged reader posted on a popular news website: 'I'd be very happy to have that menu every day! Can't they just take the vegetables out and serve him plain pasta and rice?

'There are thousands of people who would love to eat as well as this convicted Mafia mobster does.'

Last year it emerged that one Godfather was able to enjoy champagne and lobster dinners while serving his time in a Palermo jail.

"Porca di quella"...hold on folks (news staff looking out the window, sheep looking back at staff).

We had to go look outside the window for a moment.
We were almost sure Italy was crumbling around us!

"'Fanculo", come on, it's 2012! We can't afford to have these heinous and shameless incidents continuing!

Look, we're not safe anywhere, Judge Laura! On any given day you bend over to help someone, somebody else stabs you, steals your groceries, violates your wife and steps on your hat! Have a good day!

We need metal detectors at the entrance of the Leaning Tower of Pisa!
We need cops waiting in the monumental fountains with skin diving outfits!
We need snipers ready to take out 90% of the vendors at the open Napolitani markets.

We could go out in the main piazzas and try to get some solidarity and empathy from our wise elders...but we wouldn't want to ruin the concentration of their blank stares.

We could go down to the schools to let our future generations know there is no future in organized crime...but they'll get a hold of this story and insist again that vegetables are bad for you.

"There is a serious and concrete risk to his health if he remains in prison and eats the menu offered and he therefore cannot remain inside." "Minchia", so true. We should apologize for being so inhuman. Why don't we get braces for his fellow jail mates with crooked teeth? Letís improve their smiles.

"Vaffanculo", throw Michele in the electric chair, put a lasagne in his lap and cook it up while heís frying so the electricity doesn't go to waste.
Make it a vegetable lasagne to make it even more disrespectful.

And Judge Laura should quit and hand over her robes to Zorro. Have a good day.

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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