"Mah, qua siamo." Welcome to another egotistical and psychological issue of "Only In Italy!"

As a frequent visitor to the Amalfi, I completely support the banishment of Gnomes along the coast. What an eye sore they are when you can spot them. Not to mention the trip hazard their little shapes present. What a fall is in store for the unlucky tourist that may have had a little too much limoncello. Here is a toast to a gnomeless Amalfi. Larry W.

Grazie Larry! We hope the mayor of Rome will wake up and issue an ordinance to get rid of the Gladiators who have to berate and ridicule tourists into paying for a stupid photo in front of the Coliseum.

In fact, we're all for letting the tourists taking them home and throwing in the yard like useless cement garden ornaments. Just make sure there's enough feed and water in the bird bath for them to survive on.   

Rome - May 14, 2010 - Premier Silvio Berlusconi promised on Friday his government would show no mercy to politicians or state officials guilty of wrongdoing but slammed the press for publishing what he called 'proscription lists' of individuals who likely are not even remotely involved in a series of corruption probes.

The publication of a list on Thursday and Friday of some 350 high-profile personalities found on the computer of a Rome constructor at the center of the probes was "unacceptable", said the premier.

The list on Diego Anemone's computer included politicians, top civil servants and police officials. Anemone's company reportedly also worked for a number of ministries, police and army barracks and at Palazzo Chigi, Berlusconi's office.

According to media reports, investigators suspect that Anemone's construction firm may have performed work free of charge in the homes of some 350 people - perhaps as many as 412- in a bid to win lucrative state contracts.

Many of those cited in the reports have denied wrongdoing or said they had proof they paid the constructor for his services.

"It's unacceptable that the list of a company's clients is held up by the press as a list of wrongdoers. It is up to the judiciary to see if there are one, two or three cases of wrongdoing," said a statement released by the premier's office.

The premier stressed that any elected or state official truly implicated in wrongdoing would come under "severe judgement".

"No indulgence or impunity will be shown to those at fault".

"But please, let's call an end to these absurd hysterics, these proscription lists which a priori and indiscriminately throw dirt on innocent people".

News of the probes first broke in February when prosecutors ordered the arrest of the head of the state public works office, Angelo Balducci, 54; the Tuscany region's public works contractor Fabio De Santis, 61; and state official Mauro Della Giovampaola, 44.

Anemone was also arrested but he and Della Giovampaola were released from preventive custody on Sunday. The constructor claims his company always "worked honestly". He has also been linked to former industry minister Claudio Scajola, who was forced to resign last week amid reports Anemone partly paid for the purchase of his Rome apartment in 2004.

Scajola denies wrongdoing and says he never dealt with Anemone but only with Angelo Zampolini, an architect who worked for the construction company and renovated the former minister's flat near the Colosseum.

According to media reports, Berlusconi told aides earlier this week he was "disappointed" with Scajola.

Anemone is also linked to Civil Protection Chief Guido Bertolaso, whom prosecutors suspect may have taken bribes and struck sex-for-favors arrangements after the businessman won a tender for the restructuring of the original venue of the G8 in the Sardinian island of La Maddalena.

Bertolaso, who has offered to step down, said at a news conference last week he had "never lied to Italians" and had "a clear conscience".

Reacting to the premier's statement, the opposition Italy of Values (IdV) party said the situation was "really serious if even Premier Silvio Berlusconi has finally acknowledged what the IdV has been saying for quite some time: that is, that ministers involved in judicial probes should not be in the government".

Democratic Party leader Pier Luigi Bersani was much more outspoken.

Campaigning in the northern city of Bolzano, the leader of the opposition biggest party criticized the Northern League, using its 'Roma Ladrona' (Thieving Rome) slogan to say it was keeping the government afloat.

The catchphrase was coined by League leader Umberto Bossi in the 1990s to gripe about the concentration of power in the capital and the misuse of taxes mainly paid by the affluent north to cater to the needs of the south.

"It's not Rome that's thieving but there are thieves in Rome and the League is on their side".

"They're keeping Berlusconi going. Without the League, there would be no Berlusconi," said Bersani, referring also to the northern party's strong gains in the March 28-29 regional elections.

Speaking to reporters on Thursday after fresh revelations on the probes, Bossi said that as long as he, his party and Economy Minister Giulio Tremonti "were around" there was "no risk for the government; they're not going to topple it".

Hmmm...isn't that like the pot calling the kettle a "grandissimo faccia di culo" with "made in China" hair?

"Porca vacca", it's just about over...

Along with his lack of muscles, height, and hair, Italians have become less admiring of Berlusconi. The hypocrisy has gone too far. It may be trendy for an Italian politician to flaunt his farcical Mediterranean macho image, but that image becomes hard to stomach when the psychodwarf launches a campaign to eradicate corruption, while having orchestrated the most elaborate masterpieces of corruption that would have made Caligula get on his horse and go home crying to his Mamma.

"It's unacceptable that the list of a company's clients is held up by the press as a list of wrongdoers. It is up to the judiciary to see if there are one, two or three cases of wrongdoing..." One, two or three? We could go to Italy's Parliament with a cannon and shoot a huge mozzarella ball at his thick head. It would smash on impact and break into hundreds of little pieces, injuring everyone within a 100 meter radius...and STILL, it wouldn't hit enough suspects.

(Berlusconi knocked out cold, mozzarella bits, milk, blood, cell phones, and bribe money sprayed all over Parliament, Italian senators and deputies in pain, tears, and shock from the aftermath of the explosion; we certainly hope our readers are having fun imagining that scene in their minds.)

"The premier stressed that any elected or state official truly implicated in wrongdoing would come under "severe judgement"."

How about:

- Berlusconi’s fellow populists in the Northern League? Its leader, Umberto Bossi, has suggested a cannon (yes, more cannons) be fired at ships bringing migrants to Italy’s shores.

- The Northern League who has also endorsed activities such as the grazing of swine (like them) on land designated for the construction of mosques?

- Alessandra Mussolini (Il Duce’s incredibly irritating granddaughter) who remains unrepentant about Italy’s fascist past?

Rome - May 14, 2010 - Italian researchers said Friday that they may be close to identifying the remains of Caravaggio, the great Italian painter whose death 400 years ago is shrouded in mystery.

The researchers have dug up and studied bones found in a Tuscan town where Caravaggio died in 1610. According to results of carbon dating and other analyses released Friday, one set of bones is compatible with Caravaggio's remains. The bones belonged to a man who died in the same period as the artist at an age between 37 and 45.

Michelangelo Merisi known as Caravaggio after his hometown died at 39. Team leader Silvano Vinceti said the bones also have high levels of lead and other metals associated with painting.

"We are closing in," Vinceti said in an interview with a local new agency. "Have we or have we not found the great Caravaggio?"

The results, while promising, are not conclusive. That's why the group is conducting DNA testing, with results expected in about two weeks. The DNA extracted from the bones will be compared with samples from possible male kin in Caravaggio, in northern Italy.

Even though Caravaggio had no known children, Vinceti said the group has studied the town's death registry and found some 20 possible male relatives.

Caravaggio died in Porto Ercole, a beach town on the Tuscan coast. His death after a dissolute life of street brawls, affairs with prostitutes and even murder, remains an enigma. To this day, his remains are officially missing.

The researchers say he was buried in the town's San Sebastiano cemetery. His bones were dug up when the graveyard was moved in the 1950s to make space for a public park. According to the researchers, the remains were at that point moved to another cemetery nearby.

The cause of Caravaggio's death has also not been established. Possibilities raised by scholars range from malaria to syphilis to murder at the hands of one of the many enemies Caravaggio made during his tumultuous existence.

Vinceti's team includes historians, anthropologists and other scientists. His project has drawn interest as Italy marks the anniversary of Caravaggio's death, but also some skepticism because so much time has passed.

No, the great mystery is, why are there Italian researchers obsessed with "Indiana Jones" films and identifying great bones?

Italian Indy: "This should be in a museum, porca vacca!"

"Have we or have we not found the great Caravaggio?" Hmmm...we do not know. One thing for sure is, we'll still have to wake up and go to work tomorrow.

"Even though Caravaggio had no known children, Vinceti said the group has studied the town's death registry and found some 20 possible male relatives." What we're trying to say is, "I think we're not done with our shovels and crowbars yet."

"His death after a dissolute life of street brawls, affairs with prostitutes and even murder, remains an enigma. To this day, his remains are officially missing." Enigma, "sta minchia!" If you live a life of street brawls, whores and murder, you ARE going to go missing.

"...he was buried in the town's San Sebastiano cemetery. His bones were dug up when the graveyard was moved in the 1950s to make space for a public park." After the research team is done playing with his bones, we strongly suggest they open a case study on the individuals who grew up playing in that "San Poltergeist" public park to see if any of them eventually went berserk...like Caravaggio.

Rome - May 14, 2010 - Italy's police chief apologized on Friday after a shocking video showed agents beating a 25-year-old man who had been mistaken for a football hooligan.