Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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"Cazzo, Send In The Army"

(06/17/08)

 

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"Miii, che caldo!" Welcome to the only Italian newsletter who believes one damn cell phone is enough, "Only In Italy!"

When I do not see your newsletter for a short period of time, I start to wonder if "Only in Italy" went out of business or something like that, which goes to show you I miss you newsletter. So please how can I keep you in business for you to tell the world that you are the best informative journalist to be on the Internet. Anthony S.

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"Only In Italy" Staff      


Overly Romantic Couple Apologizes

Cesena - June 12, 2008 - A man and a woman who had sex in an Italian cathedral have told church officials they are sorry.

The pair, who have been charged with indecency, asked to meet Cesena Archbishop Antonio Lanfranchi to apologize for the act which forced him to hold a purification ceremony.

Their lawyer told a local paper the bishop forgave them during an hour-long encounter on Tuesday afternoon.

They "felt better" after "getting it off their chests," the lawyer said.

The man, a 31-year-old laborer, and the woman, a 32-year-old teacher, were nabbed having sex in a confession box during seven o'clock Mass on Sunday June 1.

The lawyer said he would appeal for leniency on the grounds that the two goth-rock fans were "very drunk" after an all-night concert.

Contrary to earlier reports that the pair boasted they were atheists who regarded churches as places to have sex "just like anywhere else," the man told the bishop he was a Catholic while the woman said she was agnostic.

Msgr Lanfranchi indicated during Friday's 'reparatory" rite that he was open to a meeting with the couple.

"I don't know the protagonists of this indescribable act but I'd like to take them into my heart and understand," he said.

Proof that mixing grappa and beer robs you of your dignity, "cornuti".

Quite frankly, it doesn't matter what religion you follow, (Catholic, Agnostic, Evangelist, Jewish, Muslim, Jews For Jesus, Sicilians Stuck Being Sicilians) you need to demonstrate you can be part of civil society while keeping yourself from drooling for you're not going to find the most compassionate Italians at the seven o'clock Mass on a Sunday morning.

"Their lawyer told a local paper the bishop forgave them during an hour-long encounter..." Unfortunately, immorality is also related to the Italian Catholic Church. There's a sort of confessionalism in which it doesn't matter what you do as long as you remain "in the ranks", as long as you announce your intention to improve.

Italian Catholicism is all embracing; everyone is included, which means that everyone is forgiven. Italian politicians, for example, are definitely criminals but it doesn't matter because everything is whitewashed.

History, personal or political, is quickly forgotten in Italy.

 

Italian 'Army Police' Plan To Go Ahead

Rome - June 16 2008 - A plan to put 2,500 soldiers on the streets of Italy to fight crime has come under fire from opposition politicians, police unions and a former top military commander.

"It does not give a good impression to see soldiers doing in our cities what they've done in Kosovo and Albania," said former military chief of staff General Mario Arpino. Opposition MP, Antonio di Pietro, said "only Colombia" used troops to patrol its streets, while a police union spokesman called it "a publicity stunt".

Announcing the plan on Friday, the defense minister, Ignazio La Russa said that veterans of foreign peacekeeping operations could be sent out at night in major cities alongside regular police patrols, with powers to stop and search suspects but not to make arrests.

The idea is a response to growing public alarm over security and claims that a disproportionate number of crimes are committed by immigrants.

La Russa said the patrols would be used for no more than one year adding that 2,500 troops represented a limited deployment compared to the 20,000 sent to Sicily to tackle the mafia in the 1990s.

The opposition leader, Walter Veltroni, said the plan "presents a catastrophic image of the country".

Let's lay it on the line. The defense minister is right. We're not safe anywhere!

We need a surveillance camera strapped on the statue of David and metal detectors at the entrance of the Sistine Chapel. We need navy soldiers waiting in the monumental fountains with skin diving outfits and homing pigeons armed with explosives in Venice.

Porca miseria, if the Italy crime situation is not handled criminals are going to turn the leaning Tower of Pisa upside down stick it into the ground. Rome is going to look like Kenya after a stampede of elephants and rhinos.

"...2,500 troops represented a limited deployment compared to the 20,000 sent to Sicily to tackle the mafia in the 1990s." Cazzo, we hope they do a better job than the 20,000 sent to Sicily. Some of them tackled the beaches instead trying to get a decent tan while others went AWOL and actually joined the Mafia.

Our advice to tourists who intend to visit this summer is to stay poolside at the hotel and no one will get irritated.

 

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Slooooooooooow Italian Judge Dismissed

Rome - June 16, 2008 - A judge whose failure to write up a sentence over an eight-year period left Mafia bosses roaming the streets of Sicily was sacked from the judiciary on Monday.

The action was taken by the Italian judiciary's self-governing body, the Supreme Council of Magistrates (CSM), but it will not take effect for 30 days and the judge will have another 90 days to present an appeal before the supreme Court of Cassation.

The case of Judge Edi Pinatto sparked outrage throughout the country and spurred Italian President Giorgio Napolitano to state that there could be no recurrences of "delays which undermine the prestige of the magistracy and the trust citizens have in it".

Pinatto may also face criminal charges in the Sicilian city of Catania for failing to carry out his public duties.

The judge convicted a Mafia family in 2000 of helping its notorious boss Giuseppe Madonia continue to run things from a jail where he was serving several life sentences for murder. Pinatto, then head of the court in another Sicilian city, Gela, sentenced two of Madonia's lower bosses to 24 years each and Madonia's wife to ten. Four other family members got shorter terms.

But they all walked free because Pinatto had not gotten around to writing his statutory "motivation" for the sentence within the allotted term.

Pinatto leaped to public attention in March when Gela Mayor Rosario Crocetta appealed to the justice ministry, saying "it is unthinkable that in a democratic country a judge has still not filed a sentence in eight years, letting an entire Mafia clan walk around free in my city".

Interviewed at the time by reporters, Pinatto was asked if he knew the two bosses and Madonia's wife had been free for six years. Pinatto - who had since become a public prosecutor in Milan - was quoted as saying: "Yes of course I know. But it isn't the first time that things like this have happened and I'm not the only one who takes so much time. I'll write to you in a few months after I've worked my way through the cases you can see piled up on my desk".

Pinatto failed to put pen to paper despite receiving two formal reprimands from the CSM. He reportedly defended himself by saying: "Yes, of course, it is a scandalous case, but there are others just like it".

The Pinatto affair came just ten days after another case of what Italians call 'slow justice' - again involving Mafiosi.

Ministers voiced indignation after the son of Mafia superboss Toto' 'The Beast' Riina walked free halfway through an eight-year racketeering sentence because judges had failed to lodge an appeal at the Court of Cassation within the statutory term.

After the statute of limitations kicked in, Riina Jr was sprung to walk the streets of Corleone.

"Vaffanculo Edi!"

Time wasting and confusion: the greatest skills of a politicized civil servant jackass. That's how Italy's mystical power and secrecy works.

The Italian population in general does not hold much faith in the futile judicial system. For its comatose state and contrary decisions, the Italian judiciary has been blacklisted by Amnesty International and the country remains at the top of the list for condemnations from the European Court of Human Rights.

The irony is that this lovely country, so painfully legalistic, is as a result almost lawless. We have so many laws, they can do anything for us. You can twist them, rearrange them, rewrite them. Laws are like playing a game of "Briscola", you simply have to shuffle the playing cards and fan them out to suit yourself.

The problem was Judge Edi supposedly hadn't taken out the deck of cards in eight years.

"Grazie, Giudice!" We wish you the best in your stupendous legal career along with eight years of constipation.

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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