Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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August 2010
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"Italian Scientists Close To Inventing The Invisible Cloak"

(08/11/10)

 

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"Che bella giornata" Welcome to the news staff that believes we're dangerously close to seeing Rome burn and the fiddles playing, "Only In Italy!"

Grazie, I enjoyed reading about the Italian men. I don't agree with some of it though. I don't see many effeminate normal guys here in Philly. Most of the gangs are macho; maybe too much so. As for cheerfulness, they may be right. I don't see too many smiling Italian men around. Most are so serious. Of course, not in my silly family!!! Joan P.

Thanks for writing, Joan.

You can't really help in the discussion, Joan. After all, you're a woman. This is an embarrassing discussion that should be held between real men. And the reason why you don't see too many Italian men smiling simply means that their waxed legs are starting to itch.

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,             
"Only In Italy" Staff      


Tax Police Investigating Expensive Italian Beaches

Rome - August 9, 2010 - Tax police this summer stepped up their inspections on bathing establishments and port facilities in their effort to uncover undeclared income, the national tax collection agency said on Monday.

The inspections are being carried out along the coasts of both northern and southern Italy with particular attention paid to the more popular tourist resorts, from the Amalfi coast to south to Sicily and up to Venice Lido.

The finance guard as so far discovered luxury bathing establishments operated by companies claiming to be non-profit organizations and berths in port facilities rented out at prices far above what was declared in receipts, if the income was declared at all.

The Finance Guard has also inspected restaurants, bars, discos and other activities catering to the tourist and have uncovered not only undeclared income but also employees without proper working papers or working under the table.

A total of 25,000 inspections are expected to be carried out this summer.

"Vaffanculo", I just want a simple lounge chair and umbrella...and I don't give Sardinian rat's ass that the sand has been filtered for my safety and comfort.

We can't believe people’s audacity that they think Italians are willing to pay these exorbitant prices.
And what do you do once you're forced to pay? Pretend that you're happy?
It can be the sunniest day of the year on that beach but you'll still have that dark cloud over your head.

Take a look at the average prices for a day at the beach for four:

- Entrance fee: 28.75 Euros
- 1 sun bed: 7.70 Euros
- 1 lounge chair: 6.10 Euros
- Umbrella: 7.30 Euros
- 4 small sandwiches, 1 bottle water, 2 coffees: 23.50 Euros
- Book, magazine, newspapers: 6 Euros
- 4 gelatos: 10.60 Euros
- Parking: 5.50 Euros

TOTAL: 95.40 Euros ($121 USD) "Cazzo!"

Look at Paraggi near the famous city of Portofino. You can choose between a few square meters of free but disgusting beach or pay 110 Euros ($140 USD) for two sun beds at the beach club where the water is disgusting anyway.

Throwing away 110 Euros for an umbrella, cabin and wifi for a day at Paraggi's "Bagni Fiore" club allows the status-conscious ignoramuses to bathe in view of the seafront villa owned by Dolce and Gabbana. We for one would be willing to pay this hefty price if it includes seeing Dolce making love to Gabbana in front of the villa.

Like all beach clubs in Italy, the high-end operations occupy public land, paying an often tiny fee to the state for use of the beach but justifying their high prices with luxury services. At clubs in "Forte dei Marmi", where an umbrella for a season can cost 14,000 Euros ($18,000 USD) with personal trainers prowling among the deck chairs.

"Signore, buon giorno and welcome to 'Forte dei Marmi'.
Prego, may I be of any assistance?"

"Si, how about putting on a hula-hoop and swinging it around for us for a half an hour...right after you remove the pristine sand from the crevices of our asses. Grazie."

 

Italian Mother Reports Topless Sunbather Who Was Troubling Her Sons

Rome - August 11, 2010 - A mother of two teenage boys has sparked a debate in Italy over topless bathing after she reported a woman to police because the way she applied suntan lotion was 'troubling' her sons. The incident has started a huge debate in Italy about topless sunbathing.

The 26-year-old woman, identified only as Luisa under Italian privacy laws, was questioned by officers after they were brought to the scene by the mother. She had initially asked the woman, an assistant in a fashion store, to cover herself up as her ample breasts and the act of rubbing cream on her body had "troubled her sons aged 14 and 12."

The woman, who was sunbathing on a public beach at Anzio south of Rome, refused and so officers were called, much to the amusement of other holidaymakers who looked on as she remonstrated still topless. The case has triggered a debate in Italy about topless bathing.

Yesterday, the Rome based lawyer, Gianluca Arrighi, said: "Something like this happening in 2010 is absurd. My client was approached and asked to cover up by the woman and she simply asked her what her problem was.

"From there the woman gathered up her children and went and complained to police bring the officers to the scene where Luisa was still on the beach sunbathing.

"The fact a file has been opened is compulsory following the complaint but I can't imagine any judge in 2010 convicting a woman for sunbathing topless."

"Let's be clear my client is tall, brunette and has an ample breast and is therefore going to naturally be sensuous when she applies cream to her chest."

"This may well have attracted the attention of the women's two sons but it should not lead to my client being convicted. She is amazed that she is being condemned for simply sunbathing topless."

"It was a public beach and she could see no harm in what she was doing."

Mr Arrighi said that it was not illegal to sunbathe topless on a public beach, unless there is a local bylaw. A comment piece in a local newspaper said: "Summer is the season where everything happens but it is also the time of pathological mentalities ... where was she supposed to apply the cream on her clothes?"

Topless sunbathing has dropped out of fashion in recent years. In both France and Italy far fewer people abandon their bikini tops when on the beach.

Countess Barbara Ronchi della Rocca, the Italian etiquette expert, said: "You do see far fewer topless sunbathers these days than you used to but I think that's because the beach is no longer the place where you go to get a tan.

"Nowadays people arrive bronzed already having spent the winter in tanning salons and they spend their time at the beach bar semi clothed and socializing instead."

OH! "Mamma mia", what beautiful "cioccie". I'm in love...

Sunbathing topless is still common on beaches in Northern and Central Italy, however, ladies, it will most likely lead to stares and howling when done here in the more conservative, traditional and birdbrained South.

However, this is a very silly woman (we're referring to the woman who smothers her children like veal). If she had been breastfeeding a baby on the beach would there have been a problem? Of course not. Our cousin, Filippo, was breast fed at bocce tournaments and it did not ruin the bowlers' concentration.

Countess Barbara Ronchi della Rocca..."You do see far fewer topless sunbathers these days than you used to but I think that's because the beach is no longer the place where you go to get a tan." Absolutely! We also feel the beach should not be the place to see a Countess in her 50's sunbathe topless. A more appropriate place for her would be high on top of a mountain.

By the way, for those of you who strongly side with the Italian mother and would like to start some sort of off the wall organization against sunbathing topless, here's a list of the top 10 nudist beaches in Italy. Enjoy:

Marina di Bibbona (Livorno)
Guvano (La Spezia)
Marina di Alberese (Grosseto)
Seccheto e Fetovaia (Isola d'Elba)
Felciaio (Isola d'Elba)
Porto Ferro (Alghero)
Torre Salsa (Agrigento)
Lido di Dante (Ravenna)
Capalbio (Grosseto)
Capocotta (Rome)

 

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Italian Scientists Close To Inventing The Invisible Cloak

Rome - August 12, 2010 - Science has moved a step closer to the creation of an invisibility cloak, according to a new study led by Italian physicist turned bioengineer, Fiorenzo Omenetto.

Omenetto's team at Tufts University near Boston has created a piece of material that could eventually be used to make whatever it covers invisible to the human eye.

The design uses tiny structures smaller than electromagnetic waves, constructed in such a way as to divert waves around them, much like a rock diverts water in a stream.

The design currently only works with terahertz waves, which are much longer than light waves, but Omenetto believes exactly the same concept could eventually be used to divert light waves, the only electromagnetic waves visible to the human eye.

The team started with a one-centimeter-square piece of silkworm silk, onto which 10,000 gold resonators were stenciled.

"The real novelty with this metamaterial is that it is completely biocompatible," explained Omenetto.

"This means it can be implanted directly into the human body without reactions".

The team inserted the material into the muscular tissue of a guinea pig and were still able to detect a resonance.

Although the invisibility cloak may some day become a reality, this discovery also has plenty of more immediate applications, starting with biomedicine.

"One example is the creation of a sensor for glucose in diabetics," explained Omenetto.

The implanted silk would react to changes in the body's glucose level, which could be used to send a message to the person's mobile phone, for example.

"Another idea would be using it to make certain organs 'invisible', allowing radiologists to get a better view of parts that are normally hidden underneath," he said.

Obviously, Dr. Omenetto has spent too much time in Boston and isn't aware most Italians (especially public state workers) have taken giant leaps towards the lifestyle of invisibility. All that's missing is the designer cloak.

Any Italian post office south of the Naples border:
Naive tourist:
"Buon giorno, I would like to mail this letter to Britain."
Clerk: "Buon giorno...one moment. I have to check if Britain is in the EU."
Naive tourist: "Huh? Wait, it is..."
BOOM! Invisible! Go back tomorrow morning.

Calling toll-free numbers for assistance and guidance in major tourist cities:
Same naive tourist:
"Hello, si, I would like to know if there are wheel chair ramps at St. Peter's Basilica."
Operator: "Eh, one moment please..."
BOOM! Invisible! On hold for two minutes, line gets disconnected, no dial tone, and your cell phone goes dead.

Walk into any Naples public office any day during the work week (Yes, that's right, Naples). There are overpaid, argumentative, lazy and incompetent Napolitani working there. They're not visible to the naked eye but they are there working. And if you actually "see" them, you won't find them working because they can't "see" all the work that needs to be done.

Many do not know that the first prototype of the invisible cloak failed crucial testing and so its technology was sold off to lazy Italians who utilized it to invent the "scooter". They invented a motorized bike so small and fast it could them a quick get-away when there’s work to be done.

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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