Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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September 2010
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"Sheep Protest In Rome: 'Fanculo, We've Had Enough!"

(09/08/10)

 

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The Invisible Cloak Invention - Part 2 Invisible and transparent are two distinct properties. The invisibility process could not be used to make interior organs visible.

In a science fiction story section I wrote, I had an engineer anticipate that alien technology could make things invisible by having light ways go around the object to be made invisible. In my story segment, the engineer quickly figured a way to see the "invisible" objects. He invented a radar that would see the stationary visible objects nearby, and if some invisible object intersected his radar, it would make the stationary visible objects appear to move, from which the position of the invisible object could be calculated.

Personally I do not believe that it will ever be possible to develop the "invisibility cloak". Kermit R.

Thanks a lot, Kermit, and let me just add that your speech was beautiful! 90% of our readers just lowered their heads to listen to the fan whirring in their computers.

Is there any possibility of acquiring such a radar for public state offices in Southern Italy? Many of the employees have a habit of turning into invisible objects and the radar would greatly help picking up their signals before they completely disappear from the buildings.

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,             
"Only In Italy" Staff      


Maradona Plans to Celebrate 50th Birthday With Naples Fans

Naples - September 6, 2010 - Diego Maradona has said he plans to celebrate his 50th birthday next month with the Napoli fans who adored him during his glorious seven-year stint in Italy when he was a player.

Maradona, who will reach his 5oth birthday on October 30, played for Napoli from 1984 to 1991, leading them to the league title twice plus two Italian Cup wins and a UEFA Cup victory.

In that time he also helped Argentina to win the 1986 World Cup, scoring the 'Hand of God' goal and the most highly voted 'best goal ever' against England along the way.

"I've had everything in life, a family I adore, a career full of success and today I don't need anything, certainly not money," the former Argentina boss told Monday's La Gazzetta dello Sport.

"My one desire is to return to Naples and embrace again the city and the people who have never forgotten me."

"I had the most beautiful, pleasurable time of my life in Naples and I still have lots of friends there".

Maradona, who did not stay on as Argentina coach after leading his national side to the quarter-finals of this summer's World Cup, has asked his former Napoli teammate Salvatore Bagni to organize the celebration at the city's San Paolo stadium.

He will probably be wary of bringing any valuable objects with him, after having a diamond-studded earring and a Rolex watch seized among other assets by Italy's tax authorities during previous visits.

The former great owes the Italian taxman around 36 million euros because of off-the-books earnings in sponsorship and merchandising deals from his time at Napoli.

"I had the most beautiful, pleasurable time of my life in Naples and I still have lots of friends there". That's because the Napolitani and Maradona have so much in common. (Here we go again, Naples):

- Maradona is a complete master of the ball who uses his talent and flair at incredible speed. He can beat defenders, he can score, he can distribute the ball. His versatile skills make him unpredictable and very dangerous. Few defenders could stop Diego in his day without committing fouls, a fact which has cost him dearly over the years. In addition, his scrawny stature has made him a target for aggressive defenders who simply have no other means of dealing with the Argentine.

- The Napolitani are masters at avoiding law enforcement who use their "furbizia" (craftiness) and "scaltrezza" (shrewdness) at incredible speed. They can start black market businesses and avoid paying taxes with ease. Their ingenuous skills make them unpredictable and very dangerous. Few judges could stop the Napolitani without bringing in armed military forces, a fact which has cost the Naples tourism industry dearly over the years. In addition, their egotistical, arrogant, and indiscreet attitude towards legality make them a target for aggressive prosecutors who simply have no other means of dealing with the Napolitani.

- In 1991, he failed a doping test in Italy and was suspended for 15 months. He was also investigated over alleged Mafia ties and later arrested in Argentina for cocaine possession.

- Most Napolitani have failed just about every subject in school and spend most of their academic years in suspension. Many are investigated over Mafia ties and are eventually arrested for any far-fetched, inconceivable illicit activity ever invented in Naples.

 

Deer Runs Into Scooter In City Center

Reggio Emilia - September 6, 2010 - A young deer ran into a teenager on a scooter in the center of this large northern city early Monday morning, police said.

The deer, or roebuck, is believed to have wandered down from hills on the outskirts of the city.

The animal was slightly hurt in the collision and taken to a wildlife veterinarian center for treatment.

The 17-year-old scooter rider, a local resident, was unharmed.

Italian culture is a scooter culture because Italians have always ridden scooters, have never at any time stopped riding scooters, and will, unfortunately, for the foreseeable future continue to ride scooters forevermore around our cities. So, one has to ask, "what are the odds of a deer crashing into you in the middle of a city?" Regardless, we came this >close< to feeling a bit of sympathy for the poor rider until we read the last line of the article...the 17-year-old.

You see, scooter in Italy is much more than just a status symbol for these little "scassapalle" arrogant school kids, (like, for example, a pair of trendy sneakers or a Wii console.) It is in fact a liberating influence within the youth culture, and a launch into the so-called responsible world of adulthood.

So, keep in mind the following riding rules if you would like to keep your status symbol in check with our youth culture:

- Do NOT adjust your mirrors so you can see what is behind you. The first rule of Italian driving applies and they should always be adjusted to show you your beautiful reflection. To do anything else is to imply that you are a jackass and not a cool Italian youth.

- You WILL head immediately for any opening that appears, no matter if it's not large enough to allow you through. If it isn't big enough now, it may soon be, and you don't want to waste a single second. If another idiot heads for the same gap, accelerate as fast as your scooter will allow you, while shouting at them at the top of your voice. By the way, this is another good reason for not wearing a full face lid helmet.

- As with speed limits, there are a huge variety of road markings for the young rider to come to terms with. There are several varieties of dotted lines, single solid whites, double solid whites, vertical lines, horizontal lines, vertical and horizontal blocks, etc etc. It can be very disorientating so you simply do what your fellow peers do and ignore them all.

"Porca di quella vacca", what aggravation! We're going to send a "Get Well Soon" card to the deer.

 

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Sheep Protest In Rome

Rome - September 6, 2010 - Sheep farmers from all over Italy protested outside the Agriculture Ministry in Rome Monday against low milk prices and dwindling earnings that are threatening their livelihoods.

About a thousand farmers from Sardinia, Lazio, Tuscany, Umbria, Sicily and other regions gathered under the banners of farmers' association Coldiretti to highlight what they called "a grave crisis in sheep farming".

"Milk is underpaid by dairy firms, with unsustainable consequences for farmers," Coldiretti said.

The farmers brought with them examples of 'Pecorino' sheep cheese from every region and a selection of Italy's seven million sheep. They also set up a table with examples of false Pecorino sold abroad which hits their earnings.

Coldiretti said that if each Italian household were to eat just half a kilo more of Pecorino each year, "that would be enough to save Italian sheep farming and the economic, cultural and environmental heritage it represents".

Milk prices are 25% down on two years ago and 30% of Italy's sheep farms has disappeared over the last ten years, the organization said.

Coldiretti also accused the Italian government of producing bogus Pecorino via a company called Simest that allegedly uses Romanian and Hungarian milk to make a cheese "falsely marketed as Italian across Europe and the USA".

Our support and thoughts go out to our fellow sheep farmers. There is a grave crisis in sheep farming which happens to be the oldest organized industry in the world. People do not have any idea what it's like to deal with these wooly "figli di puttane". Look at the difficulties:

- These idiots have a strong instinct to follow the idiots in front of them. When one sheep decides to go somewhere, the rest of the flock follows, even if it is not a wise decision. If one sheep jumps over a cliff, the others are likely to follow. It's not something they think and discuss about.

- These idiots can spot dogs or other perceived forms of danger like a deranged rooster from 1,200 to 1,500 yards away. When they are faced with danger, their natural instinct is to run like bastards for their lives. Their brilliant strategy is to use avoidance and rapid flight to avoid being eaten. After fleeing, these idiots will reform their group and stare at that rooster.

- These idiots have an annoying habit called "head butting" which is both a natural and learned behavior. It's a carry-over from when sheep ran wild and from those that still do. The idiots work out a social order by head butting, poking with horns, shoulder pushing, blocking, and mounting. This is seen most often in rams who back off, then charge, meeting head-to-head with a large bang.

By the way, many tourists are not aware they should AVOID petting a ram on the head. The idiot may see this as a challenge or aggressive behavior. To a ram, a tourist is part of the flock that he wants to dominate or even eliminate. No matter how friendly a ram may seem, the "figlio di puttana" should never be trusted. You should never turn your back on a ram. They can cause serious injury by mowing you down!

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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