What had to go through Piero's cranium when he was getting hassled by his Sicilian mother for 32 years? Cazzo, Pavlov's dogs weren't hassled as much as he was.

Piero was thinking, "Maxima enim..patientia virtus." That's Latin for, "Patience is the greatest virtue." Obviously, Piero confused the virtue with his comatose condition.

And Rosetta will probably die a saint for she has a good heart in that feeble mind. However; we would like to give a good bit of advice to all the wonderful women in the world: There is no Italian man worth waiting for 32 years.

It's very curious that the club's emblem is the head of a wild boar. We think it's trying to state that, basically, men are disgusting wild pigs. And it really doesn't matter whether you're good-looking or not.

The club's crest features a reclining man smoking a pipe with the slogan: "Ugliness is a virtue, beauty is slavery." They should have featured an arguing Napoletano with his shirt half-buttoned drinking a cheap glass of wine with the slogan: "Beauty is slavery but ugliness is the result of evolution jumping into the Vesuvius Volcano."

In 2003, it had 20,000 members around the world. The World Association of Ugly People club campaigns against discrimination in the workplace based on looks. It attempts to make society more aware of ugly people's problems. It also helps people overcome their phobias and, in some cases, to find partners.

Society should stop discriminating and be more aware that Sicilians that look like they were fed with a slingshot instead of breast-fed and Pugliese that look like advertisements for hard liquor are human beings with feelings.

"It is not a monument to a good looking film star or dashing war hero, but to a person who is just as beautiful but only on the inside." We think what he's trying to say is, he wants a world where everyone can afford facelifts.

Let's closely examine this so-called study commissioned from a company that must have been dizzy from all the cologne they wear and drink when they produced the results.

"Old fashioned values remained popular among men between the ages of 17 and 29, with a job and a family considered the most important things." The values they were referring to were the old fashioned cooking, cleaning and being served coffee in bed by their mothers because over 75% of Italian men between the ages of 17 and 29 still live at home with Mamma.

Values that are keys to success:

Determination (39%): An Italian man flirts like other men breathe regularly and naturally. From the days of that jackass, Casanova, Italians have had a pompous and rather arrogant reputation for charming women the world over and they never rely on looks alone. How many times have women, roaming the streets of Italy, heard the phrases, "Where are you from?" "Where are you going?" "Do you need some company? "How about some gelato?"

Although a southern Italian expects an initial negative response, he strongly believes that annoying persistence is the key. And the fact that he rarely gives up easily is a clear indication of some rate of success.

Honesty (34%): In a recent magazine survey, 68% of men claimed to have carried a book to the beach to encourage conversation with women. About 80% of those honest men had the "palle" to tote the Bible or Dante's Divine Comedy. The lesson for other honest men is that to be truly successful with women, you have to use all of your honest natural resources.

"Only 3% of those interviewed felt knowing the right people was important, 2% indicated luck and 1% power." These are proud honest members of the "World Association of Ugly People".