Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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bulletCase: "Still waiting to have my property returned."
 
Peppino's Insurance Co.
"We'll protect you...one way or another!"
Piazza Repubblica, 145 - Corleone 90034  -  Sicily ITALY

 

Dear Mr. Peter Kazaa,

Buon giorno! How are you?

Mr. Kazaa, I am writing to you regarding complaints we have received from relatives of a dear friend of ours from the old town here in Sicily.

It has come to our attention that you have a serious problem with borrowing property that does not belong to you and not returning it. This is what we call lack of common courtesy, Mr. Gus! We were quite shocked and embarrassed to hear that our dear friend in Colorado is STILL waiting for mittens that were so graciously and openheartedly lent to you. How could this happen to him and why? After all, he is well known here in Sicily for his sensitive nature and sunny disposition.

Regardless, he has asked us to quietly intervene.

Now, Mr. Kazaa, Gus, Slim Papa, Moron, or whatever your name is, our dear Colorado friend is a fantastic human being and trustworthy person. You should have known this when he invited you out to his humble home for a snow boarding vacation on New Years'. You should thank your lucky stars every day that you have such a friend. After the Family, your friends are the next most important aspect of your life and you should never betray it.

NEVER, SLIM GUS!

What would it take to get you off your well-known lazy ass, retrieve the mittens from the trunk of your car and FedEx them to our friend? You are aware that it is quite cold in Colorado and he would very much need his mittens? Or how would you like it if we came over to Shorewood and borrowed something from you, for example, one of your kidneys and not return it? We'll just use it throw it in the back of a car and see how long it would take for us to get around to returning it to you. Let's all have a good laugh, Slim!

And to imagine all this comes from an ex-ambulance chaser who hasn't lived a very exemplary life! Did you not receive police citations for illegal possession of alcohol? Did you receive the citations because the alcohol was in your car or because you borrowed it and forgot to return it?

Mr. Papa Gus, we ask that you please retrieve the mittens from your vehicle and immediately return them to our friend. Quite frankly, he deserves a nice pair of soft brown "Armani" gloves which would help him to recover from the inconvenience and frustration you've caused and have the old mittens shoved up your colon. Fortunately, for you, he prefers to have his old mittens back.

Just another beautiful example of how much he is admired here in Sicily.

Okay, Slim Kazaa, we sincerely hope that this has taught you a very valuable lesson. Give our deepest respects and love to our dear Colorado friend and we hope we never have to receive another complaint from him ever again.

Thank you and Tanti Saluti da Corleone!

Don Peppino

 

 
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