Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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bulletCase: "Irish doctor who is convinced he is a real Italian."
 
Peppino's Insurance Co.
"We'll protect you...one way or another!"
Piazza Repubblica, 145 - Corleone 90034  -  Sicily ITALY

 

Dear Dottore McDonald,

Buon giorno, Dottore McDonald! How are you today?

Dottore McDonald, I am writing to you regarding complaints we have received from some of your patients who happen to be of Italian descent. It has come to our attention that you have rewritten the rules of Italian genealogy without consulting real Italians. How brave and stupid at the same time! We never realized that a real Italian is one who consumes a lot of Italian food and Chianti wine as you do. We have so much to learn from you, don't we?

Now, Dottore McDonald, we were informed that you are deeply in love with our country and our culture. Well, we cannot blame you! What other country can offer you wonderful food, breathtaking panoramas and sophisticated culture? We certainly realize that you are what Americans call an "Italophile" and, unfortunately, that's your problem! But we would like to help you, Dottore McDonald, because you need help. We're going to ship you here to Sicily and convert you into a real Italian in the least amount of time. Please think of it as Italian day camp.

You'll start every morning with an espresso coffee which must be consumed within 30 seconds and a beating with a wooden spoon. On special occasions, you will have a shoe thrown at you.

You will be forced to eat pasta on Tuesdays, Thursdays and all the other days of the week. Sunday dinner with the grandparents and the extended family begins at 14:00 and huge chunk of bread must always be held in the left hand.

In your limited spare time you'll participate in three crash courses; "bocce" playing, "arancine" (rice ball) cooking and pronunciation (you will learn how to correctly pronounce the word, "manicotti").

You will learn to make friends with various cousins and brother-in-laws and memorize the names of all the relatives who you must not speak to under any circumstance.

When the street market opens you will be given 10 Euros and a mission. The mission is to purchase the largest amount of fruits and vegetables possible through haggling. Any purchase less than 20 kilos (44 lbs) is considered a failure and punishable by family law. An effective wooden spoon beating is usually called for.

Wine is NOT bought in the stores! You will learn to cultivate your own vineyard, bring in the harvest, press the grapes and make enough wine to last a year for ten close families. Any embarrassment due to poor quality, inferior quantity or plain laziness will result in special wooden spoon and shoe beatings.

Dottore McDonald, we sincerely hope that this trip you will take to Sicily will enlighten and teach you a very valuable lesson about growing up a real Italian. Give our deepest respects to your lovely real Italian wife, Victoria, and call your travel agent.

Thank you and Tanti Saluti da Corleone!

Don Peppino

 

 
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