Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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Piazza Repubblica, 145 - Corleone 90034  -  Sicily ITALY

 

Caro Signore Goldstein,

Buon giorno, Signore Goldstein! Come sta?

Signore Goldstein, I am writing to you regarding numerous complaints we have received from our dear friend, Signore Alberto Smith.

It has come to our attention that your lack of respect towards him and his lovely wife, Patti, has turned into a real nuisance and it should be moderated drastically! Word of your crappy behavior has gotten as inappropriate as your weight and has even reached the ears of your Hebrew friends in Jersey state and they are shocked and embarrassed! In simple words, you've become a real pain in the hole and everyone is starting to get tired of it.

In order to rectify this situation, Signore Alberto has asked us to quietly intervene. Before we proceed we would like some explanations to the following embarrassing incidents you have caused.

From what we understand, you have cancelled a number of dinner dates with Signore Alberto. Is there a reason why? You could have ordered whatever you wanted, you fat cow, and he would have certainly split the bill with you. You could have ordered the "steak for two" for one and Signore Alberto would not have complained! You're a fat liar, Signore Nory. Instead of your nose growing, your stomach grew. It's like Pinocchio gone haywire.

As you may not know, smoking cigars are not only bad for your health but it causes serious ego problems, as in your case. We've never heard of a fat Jewish lawyer thinking he is becoming Sicilian. We also understand your Italian wife smokes cigars. How sexy! How feminine! Does she smoke them so she'll think she will become full Jewish?

Signore Nory, where were you when Signore Smith's dear mother passed away? We had invited his family to come to Sicily to mourn her passing together but respectfully declined the invitation because he was caught up in the paperwork of her will and estate. Thank you very much, Signore Nory. With friends like you, Signore Smith is better off shooting himself in the groin.

We also got a nice laugh from the news that you work out at the gym? Who are you, Hulk Hogan? It's more like Hulk Cohen. Why don't you spend more time mowing the lawn and with your friends instead? Besides, aren't your forearms big enough from counting all that money?

You obviously are a very funny guy, Signore Goldstein, so why don't you try some other jokes on Signore Smith. He has a great sense of humor. He loves the stupid jokes that leak out of your pea sized brain but not when you repeat them over and over and OVER! Here's a great joke Signore Smith will try on you; "Why do Jews dance on one foot at a time? So they'll only wear out one shoe."

Signore Nory, let's face the facts. You're not Sicilian. You're a very confused fat lawyer who's Jewish, likes to wear expensive suits and drink expensive French wine. You owe much respect to Signore Smith and you should start by buying him a nice Italian cheesecake. If we receive another complaint about you, then we'll have to resolve the Apolona situation.

Thank you and Tanti Saluti da Corleone!

Don Peppino

 

 
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