Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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bulletCase: "The Yankee with open invoices."
 
Peppino's Insurance Co.
"We'll protect you...one way or another!"
Piazza Repubblica, 145 - Corleone 90034  -  Sicily ITALY

 

Dear Signore Hill Billy Jarmen,

Buon giorno! How are you?

Signore Hill Billy, I am writing to you regarding complaints we have received from our dear friend, Signore Joe Pisecco. It is best that you relax with a stiff drink before you continue reading this letter for it is not pleasant.

It has come to our attention that your taking advantage of the "Complete Security Service" company has worsened. We were quite shocked and embarrassed when we heard that you developed a bad habit of not paying open invoices. How could this happen to Signore Joe Pisecco of all people? He is well known here in Sicily for his warm nature and generous disposition and we have actually used his services for "delicate" situations.

Regardless, Signore Hill Billy, he has asked us to quietly intervene.

Now, Signore Pisecco is a fantastic Southerner and trustworthy friend of ours. Do you realize how hard it is to find a patient and professional businessman like him? Why would he want to do business with you? You're an under qualified Yankee sales manager who couldn't run a possum farm. Might I also add you're an ugly man with a woman who looks like she should be beaten like a redheaded stepchild?

And the Harley you ride makes you look more feminine.

Signore Hill Billy, according to our records, you owe Signore Pisecco the approximate amount of $10398.07 plus 27% monthly interest, which comes to a total of $21,299.22 for over a period of 3 months. But out of the goodness of Signore Pisecco's heart and contrary to our professional advice, he will settle for the original debt amount of $10398.07 which will be paid in monthly installments of $5000 beginning with the upcoming month of October and ending in January 2006.

Is this clear, Signore Hill Billy?

We strongly advise that you return on the right track in business and begin to organize your life and the payments. And we don't want to hear the usual lies like, "I quit drinking, the truck is paid for, or I was just helping that sheep over the fence."

Signore Hill Billy, we sincerely hope that this has taught you a very valuable lesson in your Yankee life. You are very aware that this unfortunate incident has caused a falling out with Signore Pisecco and the Family. We hope for your sake it does not precipitate further.

Give our deepest respects to Signore Pisecco and we hope we never have to receive another complaint from him ever again otherwise, we'll help you get over that fence, Sicilian style.

Thank you and Tanti Saluti da Corleone!

Don Peppino

 

 
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