Send a Mafia Threat from Corleone, Sicily!

	Peppino's Insurance Co. *"We'll protect you...one way or another!"*
Piazza Repubblica, 145 - Corleone 90034 - Sicily ITALY Dear Signore Costa, Salve, Signore Costa! How are you today and have you enjoyed your Valentine Holiday? Signore Costa, I am writing to you regarding complaints we have received from a sincere friend of ours; the wonderful & caring Signorina Stefania Da Vinci. We are very curious to know how many times one must ask you for help in times of need. After all, Signorina Da Vinci is always available when you need a helping hand. So, why can't you help in finding the young lady a nice Italian companion. It would be better than scratching your ass and staring at the wall. The Da Vinci Family is actually quite offended by your laziness, lack of sensitivity and respect towards them. Quite frankly, we are also a little perturbed. Regardless that you pace yourself like a slug, our dear friends have asked us to intervene. While it is sad and true that an amazing stallion like yourself is no longer available, we are sure that you must have at least one or two Italian friends who are not complete losers and would spend a lovely evening with the Signorina Da Vinci. However; she cannot waste her time with men who look like advertisements for hard liquor so we strongly advise your thick head to screen carefully. We would also appreciate an Italian who doesn't eat 7 meals a day. The Signorina doesn't need to date someone who has more food caught in his teeth than she eats the whole day. Now, Signore Costa, we were also informed that you have intentions of visiting our wonderful island. We cannot wait to meet with you. You will not need to contact us because you can rest assure we'll find you. However; we were further disturbed by the news that Signorina Da Vinci will not be joining you. Is there a logical reason as to why? You must feel very important, Signore Carmelino. You're entitled to Italy's gifts. When you walk into one of our museums it should donate art work to you. The Sicilians should smother you with gifts of olive oil and cheese as soon as you step out of the plane. The Mafia should honor your visit by splitting a portion of their public works money with you. Well, Signore Costa, it's obvious your brain needs redimensioning. Wouldn't you agree? Signore Carmelino, on behalf of Sicily, we must insist that you return to visit our beautiful island as soon as possible but with the company of the lovely Signorina Stefania. We are sure she will be more than glad to accompany you on your visit. She will also be thrilled by the news that you will be paying for her entire stay. Please let us know of your travel arrangements so that we may prepare for your arrival. In case your laziness gets in the way and you forget, do not fear for the Italian border police will surely let us know of your arrival. "Buon Viaggio" and give our best wishes to Signorina Da Vinci. Tanti Saluti, Don Peppino