Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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bulletCase: "Old Irish hitman gets payback 48 years later."
 
Peppino's Insurance Co.
"We'll protect you...one way or another!"
Piazza Repubblica, 145 - Corleone 90034  -  Sicily ITALY

 

Dear Signore Cassius Clay,

Buon giorno! How is your recovery coming along? Hopefully well because we would like to take care of the following matter while you're still roaming around, "matey".

Signore Clay, we realize that this is not exactly the perfect time for contacting you but, who cares? You should realize business is business. I am writing to you regarding complaints we have received from the grandchildren of the gentleman whose hand you flagrantly slammed into the door of your vehicle approximately 45-48 years ago. Do you recall, matey?

Regardless of the fact that you've probably been drinking since half past yesterday, you should pay very close attention to this letter for it will contain the exact instructions on how to resolve this undisputable matter based on your arrogant stupidity. So, force yourself to stay awake and try not to vomit on your wife's shoes.

The grandchildren of the victim would like to collect on the physical and moral damages your actions caused many years ago. Regardless of the fact that the debt he incurred was not paid in a timely matter, he did not deserve to be inflicted with such physical and psychological pain that forced him to not function properly as an adult up until the time of his death.

Therefore; we are curious to know what gave you the right to act in such a manner. Are you convinced you are a man of honor?

Signore Clay, from the information we have gathered, you are not exactly a man with much class and culture. What gourmet pleasure do you receive when you ask for catsup for your ravioli dishes? But, then again, the Irish's contribution to world cuisine is corned beef with cabbage. We understand why your people has to drink so much; it's to get the cabbage down.

Your sense of humor is overwhelming and breathtaking. Shaving your pet cat; how funny and stupid. How would you like if we shipped your Irish ass straight to Sicily and have you shear a couple hundred of sheep. We'll feed you all the ravioli with catsup you want. Let's all have a good laugh.

Okay, Signore Clay, let's get to the conclusion. Based on the misery and pain thanks to your stupidity and arrogance, the grandchildren are asking for a lump sum of 38,000 US Dollars plus 126,000 US Dollars interest incurred over the period of 45 years. That brings you to a total of 154,000 US Dollars for a mindless door slam. Please make the check out to our insurance company.

We strongly advice you to pay, Signore Matey. If you decide to contest then you should make sure you avoid shining headlights the next time you go for your gay strolls in vineyards. Ciao!
 

Tanti Saluti,

Don Peppino

 

 
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