Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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bulletCase: "Weird and strung out Sicilian who has no respect for friends."
 
Peppino's Insurance Co.
"We'll protect you...one way or another!"
Piazza Repubblica, 145 - Corleone 90034  -  Sicily ITALY

 

Dear Signore Sferrazza,

Buon giorno! How are you on this hot summer day?

Signore Sferrazza, I am writing to you regarding some interesting complaints we have received from some disappointed friends, common citizens and relatives of yours in the homeland, Sicily. Hard to believe that a weird and strung out Sicilian as yourself would have problems on the other side of the planet, true? Pull yourself together, order a pizza with extra nicotine, sit in your lame squat position and read carefully.

It has come to our attention that your lack of respect towards friends is starting to cause some discomfort and bloating. After all, you consider yourself to be a handsome man so you figured, "Why waste my precious time and respect towards others?" But to some people, handsome is someone who smokes in public while trying to hide their disgusting and disfigured fingernails. Maybe, one day, you'll explain to us why you used oven cleaner for a manicure, Signore Sferrazza.

Regardless, these friends and relatives have asked us to intervene in this pathetic case.

Now, Jamie, why do they consider you to be an insensitive, disrespectful and untrustworthy mule? Weren't you taught about respect and trust back in the homeland? You supposedly listen to a lot of Italian music. Don't you understand what most of the words mean?

Amici (friends), Famiglia (family), Rispetto (respect), Amore (love), Sincerita (sincerity), Promessi (promises).

You consider yourself to be an intelligent person, Signore Sferrazza. You can comprehend these words and suck them deep down into your personality just like the way you suck down 2-3 cigarette packs at a time. After all, you're an electrician and you haven't electrocuted yourself. You were bright enough to know the difference between "positive" and "negative". And we're willing to bet our best sheep and goats that you found out on the second try.

We are also aware that you're a special person who works too hard. You're a busy person who's entitled to the world's gifts. How can you find the time to maintain promises and return simple calls when you're too busy giving inflated estimates as big as your head? Your friends should understand your sensitive feelings. Don't bother with gift giving, flowers, or candy. They should be obliged to give them to you. Again, you're so special.

You have to get a grip on yourself, Jamie! "Hai capito?" Do you understand? You are sometimes full of crap and immobile from liquor. You're making people wish they were two people so that they can hate you twice as much. If you continue to act disrespectful in life, your friends who smoke will be putting their ashes in your shirt pocket.

Signore Sferrazza, we sincerely hope you will reflect on what you have and haven't done for your friends. Call them up and let them know you're there for them, you jackass. And the next time you're feeling moody, maybe you should listen to some music from Mina and go suck on a battery.
 

Tanti Saluti,

Don Peppino

 

 
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