Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
Subscribe to the OnlyInItaly.com  Newsletter:
Subscribe
   Unsubscribe
 
Home
Today's News
To the archives!
Mail a Mafia Threat!
Letter Samples
Order Stuff!
Why subscribe?
News Samples
Subscriptions
Our News Sources
People Are Talking
FAQs
Italian Resources
Customer Service
Your Privacy
 
Subscribe to the "Only In Italy" feed! Subscribe!
Add to My Yahoo!
Add to My Google
Add to My Netvibes
Digg It!
Follow the News Staff:
Facebook
 
"Only In Italy" Italian News & Humor
OnlyInItaly.com
 
 
Adriana's Italian Gourmet Cookies
CookiesFromItaly.com
 
 
Caterina Collezione: Handcrafted Italian Sterling Silver Tableware
SilverFromItaly.com
 
 
Angela's Italian Organic Oregano
OreganoFromItaly.com
Signore Peppino's spiritual advisor
Send a Mafia Threat from Corleone, Sicily!Just 12.99 Euro! (postage included)
 
 
 
bulletCase: "The Sore Losing Loudmouthed Sicilian Poker Player"
 
Peppino's Insurance Co.
"We'll protect you...one way or another!"
Piazza Repubblica, 145 - Corleone 90034  -  Sicily ITALY

 

Caro Signore Franco,

Buon giorno! Come sta? How are you? That's good to hear.

Signore Franco, I would sincerely appreciate it if you would keep your mouth shut for just one moment and reflect upon this letter. I am writing to you regarding numerous complaints we have received from your friends, family, the Italian-American community in Hawthorne and from the Sicilian cities of Palermo and Catania.

It has come to our attention that your cocky, aggressive, self-centered, sore-losing offensive attitude and lack of respect you demonstrate at your stupid poker games has turned into a real nuisance and it should be moderated drastically! Word of your crappy behavior has even reached the ears of your fellow Sicilians in Sicily and they are shocked and embarrassed! To be quite clear and blunt, Signore Franco, you've become a real pain in the hole and everyone is starting to get tired of it.

Maybe, you can enlighten us on why such the behavior, Signore Franco. Relax. Take it easy. They are just stupid friendly poker games. It's not "Casino Royale" where the risk of international terrorism is at stake. And may I also add you're certainly no James Bond? But it's getting to the point where some one is going to have to lace your "shaken not stirred" martinis and beers with tranquilizers to calm your Sicilian ass down a decibel or two.

Signore Franco, don't you know the secrets of being a good poker player? You need discipline. You're Sicilian, you jackass, therefore; you should have been born with this important trait. A disciplined player knows that he is not perfect and, of course, you're the farthest thing from perfect. When a disciplined player makes a mistake, he learns. He does not get offensive and blame others. He does not cry like a bitch. He learns from the mistake and moves on.

A good player is not a self-centered player as you so helplessly are. You do not care about anyone but yourself. When a poker player walks into a room, he always empathizes with his opponents. He tries to think what they think and understand the decisions they make and why they make them. The poker player always tries to have an answer to these questions:

1. What does my opponent have?
2. What does my opponent think I have?
3. What does my opponent think I think he has?
4. Why am I confused and loud?
5. Shouldn't I be out fixing something somewhere?

Signore Franco, we sincerely hope we do not receive another complaint from your nice poker buddies and your dear wife. For your next poker game, we strongly suggest you put on a tuxedo, do your math and show some discipline. Otherwise, we're going to have to see how many poker chips we can shove up your loud Sicilian ass. And no, we're not bluffing.

Thank you and Tanti Saluti da Corleone!

Don Peppino

 

 
May not be copied, stored or redistributed without prior, written permission. "Only In Italy" is a registered trademark of FromItaly di Ciccarello.