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 | Case: "Please convince my mom to visit Italy." |
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- Peppino's Insurance Co.
- "We'll protect you...one way or another!"
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- Piazza Repubblica, 145 - Corleone 90034 - Sicily ITALY
Dear Signora Fishman,
Buon giorno, Signora Fishman! How are you today and have you enjoyed your summer so far?
Signora Fishman, I am writing to you regarding complaints we have received from some of your Italian friends right here in Italy. While it is true that you have not visited our country in many years, the few friends you had made on your last visit have not forgotten you and are actually quite offended by your lack of sensitivity and respect towards them.
How embarrassing, Signora Fishman! Regardless, your friends have asked us to quietly intervene.
Now, Signora Fishman, we were informed that you are deeply in love with our country and our culture. Well, we cannot blame you! What other country can offer you wonderful food, breathtaking panoramas and sophisticated culture? We certainly realize that you are what Americans call an "Italophile" and, unfortunately, that's your problem!
You're an American "Italophile"! How sad, stupid and embarrassing!
The definition of an American "Italophile" is an idiot who yaps day and night about how wonderful Italy based on what he/she thinks is Italian in America! That "chicken parmigiana" you eat at an Italian restaurant is NOT Italian. It's a piece of bland chicken covered with industrial tomato sauce, mozzarella cheese made from powdered milk and cooked by a Mexican!
Signora Fishman, do you know that "chicken parmigiana" doesn't really exist? Of course not! Only a real Italian that lives in Italy knows that this dish has no origin in Italy! It was created by dizzy American Italophiles!
Well, Signora, the only solution to your contagious problem is to come back to the homeland...Italy!
And why not? It's been a while since you were last here. Don't you remember the nice Italian gentlemen that gazed at you during your entire last trip? Don Vincenzo remembers you very well.
Don Vincenzo is a wonderful retired postman who stopped by your hotel on your last day in hopes of having his dream come true of meeting a wonderful American woman. Unfortunately, it was not his destiny but he did not give in. He illegally purchased all the information he could about you from the hotel in hopes that he could see you once again before it was too late.
Signora Fishman, on behalf of Don Vincenzo, we must insist that you return to visit our beautiful country as soon as possible. Don Vincenzo will be more than glad to accompany you to your favorite places: Venezia, Firenze and Roma. As you can see from his enclosed photo, he has the classic transportation for touring Italy. Yes, the photo may be a bit outdated but just add 40 years to the photo and you'll have Don Vincenzo!
Please don't let him down again. Stop being an American Italophile and come to Italy!
Okay, Signora Fishman, we sincerely hope that this has taught you a very valuable lesson about Italian life. Give our deepest respects to your family and call your travel agent.
Thank you and Tanti Saluti da Corleone!
Don Peppino
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