Here's a woman whose life ambition is very specific and firmly believes in the Sicilian proverb: "Lu maritu senza affetu comu la casa senza tettu." A husband who lacks affection is like a house that lacks a roof.

No roof in Palermo is worth 260 grand!

What a poor Sicilian sap! We swear we've seen more compassion from a drive-up clown at McDonald's. Mussolini had a happier look on his last day than loser Luca at his sentence hearing.

By the way, is it really necessary to procreate and multiply south Palermo? Of course! We need another young Palermitano committing road rage on a scooter while eating a "vastedda" or "panelle" sandwich with fries.

"Vastedda": stewed-spleen sandwich. If you've never had it and you're dying to try one, cow spleen has a relatively inoffensive, meaty flavor. The real beauty in this sandwich is the topping of milky ricotta and grated parmesan cheese.

"Panelle": chickpea fritter sandwich dressed with the same cheeses.

How can the magnificent hold the key to Italy's future? What future would you like to see when you're in your late eighties? Christo, they mutter and mutter incoherently and the only break you get from them is when they have to go backstage in the parliament where the oxygen tanks are.

"The Magnificent Seven"

1.) Giulio Andreotti, 88: served as a magnificent prime minister seven times. No one has been able to understand why. He has been accused and convicted of having magnificent Mafia contacts, although he avoided formal conviction due to magnificent statutory limitations. He has sat in Parliament without interruption for 61 very long years. In November 2002 he was convicted of ordering the magnificent 1979 murder of Mino Pecorelli, a journalist who had published allegations that he had ties to the Mafia. He was sentenced to twenty-four-years imprisonment.

Magnificent Quote: "You sin in thinking bad about people - but, often, you guess right." If so, then it will be best if Italy starts lining up for Church penitence.

2.) Sergio Pininfarina, 81: a magnificent automobile designer whose company has been employed by Ferrari, Maserati, Cadillac, Peugeot, Jaguar, Volvo, Alfa Romeo and Lancia. In October 2005 he was named Senator for Life of the magnificent Italian Republic. Why? It takes a magnificent designing genius to know what color leather goes perfect in your magnificent yellow Ferrari.

3.) Carlo Azeglio Ciampi, 86: From April 1993 to May 1994, he flew in as Italian Prime Minister overseeing a magnificent "technical government" (a technical government is a non-party circus-like government made up of unelected, magnificent-but-clueless people such as civil servants, magistrates or bankers from outside the political circle instead of members of the country's magnificent legislature. They are constantly formed when it is impossible for a government to be formed until new elections are held in order to ensure magnificent administrative functions are carried out).

He magnificently chose the Italian design for the 1-Euro coin. He is not considered to be close to the magnificent positions of the Vatican and the Catholic church.

4.) Emilio Colombo, 86: In November 2003, shortly after receiving the honor of Senator for Life, he magnificently celebrated by admitting to being a regular cocaine user but for magnificent "therapeutic purposes".

Magnificent Quote: "I have not been a (cocaine) user for long - not more than a year, year-and-a-half." This vague but magnificent admission does not make him liable to magnificent prosecution because consumption of drugs in Italy is not a criminal offence.

5.) Rita Levi-Montalcini, 97: Italian neurologist who received the 1986 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine for the magnificent discovery of growth factors. Today she is the oldest living Nobel laureate. A truly magnificent scientist and lovely lady who, unfortunately, has not been able to explain the lacking growth factors of brain cells of her parliament peers.

6.) Oscar Luigi Scalfaro, 88: was known as an austere and incorruptible politician, as well as a devout and magnificent Catholic attending Mass every day. This holy image indeed explains his election to the presidency, as the principal and clearly impossible task at hand was to return Italian public and political life to a more moral course.

7.) Francesco Cossiga, 79: was in charge of the Ministry for Internal Affairs during the kidnapping and murdering of Aldo Moro by Red Brigades. He magnificently resigned when Moro was found dead in 1978. His presidency was unremarkable, lifeless and quite boring for its first five years. However, in his last two years as a President, he woke up and began to express magnificent opinions, at times virulent, against the Italian political system. Some even suggested he was somewhat mentally unstable. He declared he was just "taking magnificent pleasure in removing some sand from my shoes."

There's plenty of time to reflect on one's life while dangling head down from a tree for three days. For instance:

"Who would go hang gliding in the middle of winter?"
"I really have too much free time."
"I think Bocce playing and sheep-back riding is safer than this."

It's hard to believe the audacity of certain people. They're always looking for the ultimate excitement by defying mother nature.

One of the definitions of excitement is when the batteries are low in the TV remote control and you have to yell at someone in the family!