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"No! Non ci posso credere!" Welcome to another haphazard issue of "Only In Italy!" Wow! What is your problem? It is one thing to disagree but quite another to shamefully degrade the PM of Italy. Whether you like it or not, he was elected by the people of Italy. Is it your hatred for Bush and anyone that ever stood by him that motivates your appalling outburst? Joe G. Grazie for the feedback, Joe. As we have mentioned in the past, our newsletter staff cannot and will not get heavily involved with the discussion of politics (Italy, USA, Mongolia, Naples, wherever). Why? It's boring! Our readers would then rather prefer doing more important things like boiling vegetables. Si, it's true Berlusconi was elected by the people of Italy. He's a great entertainer and a load of laughs. Just take a good look at his head. But don't stare at it! It will only hypnotize you. That's how he convinced the voters. Now, we know a lot of people are thinking, "how can he run a country if he can't run his own head?" Giuseppe, you see what happens? We get carried away again. Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie! Tanti Saluti,
Rome - December 22, 2008 - A bright yellow Ferrari and a sleek Black Porsche Cayenne SUV, together with other vehicles seized from organized crime gangs, are now part of the national police car pool, Interior Minister Roberto Maroni said on Monday. The minister added that the luxury vehicles will be driven around those neighborhoods where the gangs once ruled "to send a message that times have changed". Maroni joked that he had tried to get the Ferrari and Porsche assigned to him "but that idea didn't go over too well". Hmmm...driving a Ferrari around in Mafia controlled neighborhoods is supposed to be a deterrent? Who would like to bet all the prosciutto in Parma these luxury cars will all suddenly...disappear? "Maroni joked that he had tried to get the Ferrari and Porsche assigned to him but that idea didn't go over too well". "Cornuto", how hilarious. You would think the Interior Minister of Minestrone would able to afford one with the two government salaries he earns for a total of over 200,000 Euros (262,000 USD). A little history: In September 2006, Maroni told Vanity Fair that he downloads music "illegally" and thinks music should be "free and accessible to all". He added that authors should still be able to stop their work from being widely distributed on the Internet. But the top layer of cheese on the lasagna was the infamous Via Bellerio incident of 1996. Maroni was convicted of resistance against a public official (he had attempted to bite an officer on the ankle) during a police raid of his party's building in via Bellerio in Milan, and sentenced to 4 months and 20 days, when police inspected his office. After reading such a story, we think there's a lesson in this for all of us: When negotiating with this man, wear boots.
Genoa - December 22, 2008 - An Italian driver taken to hospital with severe burns on Monday said his mother-in-law set fire to him as they were traveling through a road tunnel near Genoa. The man, 35, told police the pair had been "chatting about Christmas presents" when the woman, 60, suddenly poured inflammable liquid on him and put a cigarette lighter to it. The mother-in-law burned to death in the fire, which destroyed the vehicle and led to the tunnel being closed for several hours. Forensics experts are trying to establish what liquid was allegedly used. The man, who is separated from his wife, suffered second and third degree burns to most of his body. Hospital staff said some of his relatives shouted insults against the dead woman after being told what happened. AHHH! You "grandissimo figlio di puttana"! What possible sane reason could you give to our readers for being in the vicinity of your separated wife's mother? What a shame, though. He never had the chance to build better a relationship with his mother-in-law. Wonder if he ever had the opportunity to say to her, "Rossella, I care for you ("love" would make me vomit) and I appreciate your concern. But, "cazzo", the best way for us deal with our separation is for you to let me do things my own way." Rossella (to herself): Pazienza. Reflect...don't let this "testa di minchia" get the best of me. I will: - accept and learn about my son-in-law's generation, culture, age, soccer team and shortsighted and meaningless brain which is naturally different than mine. - be patient when I experience hostility, suspicion, or distance from my son-in-law. I will try to build a good relationship with him by not reacting immediately to his witless and irrelevant jokes. - talk openly and honestly about miscommunications, arguments, or other conflicts with my son-in-law and be responsive to his needs and feelings even if I don't understand what is brewing in that thick and empty cranium of his. Son-in-law: "Well, I couldn't give a rat's "culo" on your advice on what I should get your daughter for Christmas." Rossella: "Oh Cristo, get ready. Here I come."
Campobasso - January 9, 2009 - An elderly Italian man whose roof fell in during the night dusted himself off and curled back up in bed, authorities in this southern village said Friday. Called in by neighbors Friday morning, fire workers climbed over rubble to find the man sound asleep. The mayor said the house was so badly damaged it would probably have to be knocked down. The man, who was said to be fine after his night in the freezing cold, will be found temporary lodging. "Porca di quella vacca", I'm telling you the comedy doesn't stop coming from this country. And for our next song and dance... This is what happens from eating too many pears and scamorza cheese in Campobasso. "The mayor said the house was so badly damaged it would probably have to be knocked down." Imagine the argument that followed: "Eh?! Temporary what?! Vaffanculo! Who said?! I'll call my "muratore" (bricklayer) tomorrow morning and have him fix the roof in two days...and it will be better than yours! I have to go now and lock my house." "And tell your father I want to speak to him."
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