"La vita è bella...ma non oggi."

Food without wine is like a day without sunshine...and flirting in front of your better half.        

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Bologna - March 18, 2012 - Four sets of furious parents have pulled their children out of an Italian nursery school after it emerged that one of the teachers posed for model calendars as part of her extra curricular activities.

Michela Roth, a 38-year-old American who has lived in Italy for years and has children of her own, often poses for model shoots during the summer holidays when she returns to the US.

She has won several beauty contests, including Miss Mamma Italiana and Miss Culetto d'Oro (Miss Golden Ass), raising eyebrows and tempers in the tiny town of Castello di Serravalle near Bologna in northern Italy.

"She’s too beautiful and I don't want her teaching my son," one indignant parent told the local newspaper.

But Miss Roth insists that parents who object are simply jealous and old-fashioned.

On her Facebook page their are pictures of the mother of one at the beauty contest as well as her kick boxing in micro-shorts and small top, while she describes her status as 'complicated'.

"I'm always photographed in clothes, I'm never nude," she told the local newspaper. "For me, being a model is a second job, and I do it especially during the summer when the school is closed. But I love being a teacher, that's the main objective in my life. Those who know me can vouch for my professionalism both as a teacher and a model.

"The parents who have withdrawn their children are trying to convince other parents to do the same. I was expecting a bit of criticism, but I could never have imagined it coming to this."

An online poll conducted by the paper showed that the majority of readers were more sympathetic to the teacher than to the disgruntled parents (83 per cent vs 14 per cent), with three per cent who were unsure.

Look, Michela appears to be a very competent and ambitious woman. You can tell she likes to suck in life.

She understands teaching in Italy is one of the lowest paid professions. And, "mamma mia", why anyone chooses this profession willingly is beyond us. If you are someone who has to take a second job, what does it matter what the hell the job is.

Italian teachers today are a diverse and unattractive group of people from both sexes. However, they all share the same challenges:

- The work day is close to 10 hours long,
- They are at the mercy of the little Italian "figli di puttane" they teach,
- And they have to find crafty ways of explaining the child's results to parents without resorting to, "it could be you're a mule at parenting".

But "minchia", if you can just reach one child... eh, how does the rest of that hilarious saying go?

And why can't the dear mothers just keep quiet? "Per favore, Signore." They know perfectly well:

- They could get back into decent physical shape if they want. We've checked you out at the local schools. Just because you're married and have kids doesn't mean you have to look like you're in your eighth month of pregnancy.
- The other teachers are socializing instead of working. They walk arm to arm through the hallways and in front of the buildings...like elephants in a circus that walk tied from trunk to tail.
- That their husbands are hungry and their clothes dirty.

Vatican City - March 18, 2012 - The Pope has taken the unusual step of setting up an internal, criminal investigation to identify the source of damaging leaks of compromising Vatican documents.

The inquiry will seek to punish the insiders who leaked the papers, whom the Vatican hierarchy regard as "disloyal and cowardly".

Pope Benedict XVI had been hurt by the leaks, said Archbishop Angelo Becciu, the Vatican's deputy secretary of state and third most powerful Vatican figure.

Documents leaked to the Italian press over the last few weeks have shed light on dark power struggles between senior cardinals, alleged corruption and nepotism in the running of the Vatican administration, and a mysterious prediction that the 84-year-old pontiff would die within a year, possibly as a result of an assassination attempt.

Msgr Becciu described whistle-blowers as "cowardly" and "deeply disloyal" and warned that they would face the full force of the law from Vatican prosecutors. They had abused the trust placed in them by leaking the documents, he said.

The investigation will be conducted by a tribunal and will probe all departments in the Vatican administration.

Msgr Becciu also defended the reputation of the Roman Catholic Church hierarchy, saying it was wrong to depict it as a hotbed of "plots and careerism".

The investigation will draw on an inquiry already opened by the Vatican's own police force, the Gendarmerie, into how the leaks happened.

The Pope also decided to launch a special commission into the affair, composed of cardinals whom he had chosen personally, in order to re-establish "trust" within the Holy See.

"TOP SECRET" For Pope's eyes only:

1. There could be life on other planets:
In 2006, Father Jose Funes, director of the Vatican's observatory, states that the Vatican acknowledges that life on other planets is theoretically possible. (However, whatever the life forms would be, the Vatican feels that they would be one of God's creations...vulnerable to spiritual blackmail and bribery, especially if they are Communist aliens running for office or Supreme Leader.)

2. Vatican Post Office is remarkably efficient, fast and profitable:
Beyond the many tourist souvenirs, the postage stamps contribute to the largest export of the Vatican serving as one of the primary sources of internal revenue. (Romans and tourists also find that the Vatican mail system is faster and more efficient than the typical Italian postal office...where they're used to dealing with postal workers who have spent more time together than the 12 Apostles but still have trouble remembering each other's name and the cost of mailing a postcard to Chicago.)

3. Vatican Radio waves covers the world twice over:
Located in a tower inside the Vatican Gardens, the Vatican has a radio station that broadcasts in 45 different languages across the world. In 2010 a court-ordered study has found that electromagnetic waves beamed by Vatican Radio leave residents living near the station’s giant antenna towers at a higher risk of cancer. (The radio’s director, Federico Lombardi, disputed the report, saying: "Vatican Radio is astonished to hear the news on the results of the study." And so was Tom Hanks with "Wilson" on that deserted island. "Am I going crazy or am I picking up the Third Sermon of Lent on a volleyball?")

4. Turn water to wine, taxes to donations:
Instead of paying their taxes to the Italian government, Italians are allowed to donate 8% of their yearly taxes to the Vatican. (Makes you want to pour your marinara sauce over your head, doesn't it?)

Naples - March 19, 2012 - Police carried out arrest warrants for 60 people, including 16 tax magistrates, and seized around one billion Euros (1.33 billion USD) in assets in an operation targeting the Fabbrocino clan of the Neapolitan mafia, the Camorra.

Prosecutors believe corruption led to dozens of tax disputes being settled against the State and frequently in favor of people linked to the Camorra.

Many of the people arrested have been detained in prison, while others have been put under house arrest, and others still have been forbidden from residing in Naples.

They are suspected of crimes including mafia association for money laundering and the corruption of legal proceedings.

The assets seized include company shares, bank accounts, properties, land and cars.