"Ciao ragazzi!" Sophie Loren once said, "If you haven't cried, your eyes can't be beautiful." What in Naples bathroom was she talking about? "Only In Italy!"

Unless the northern Italians are truly prejudiced against the lovely southern and Sicilian residents, I suggest that they request assistance from the UN to completely repair the water system to prevent so much waste. Why I believe even the USA might make a loan in the form of pipes etc. to help and the Chinese might also contribute to the needs including workers if necessary and the Italians (northern) aren't smart enough to see the jobs that would be available.

Wasting so much water is ridiculous and the hard water which is so hard for the "gentle" northern Italians, could be softened with proper treatments. Paul

Grazie for the letter, Paolo! Your suggestions are excellent but the North is not looking to improve the job market. We could be mistaken but the North would rather bulldoze the entire South of Italy so it could plant more tomatoes rather than fix our leaky pipes.   

Rome - March 27, 2010 - Jailed Mafia godfathers have the right to go to the lavatory without being filmed, an Italian court has ruled.

Judge Giovanna Di Rosa accepted Salvatore Lo Piccolo's argument that he should be able to use the bathroom without being filmed and he was "entitled to his privacy". She added that by filming him, Lo Piccolo was being "subjected to inhuman and degrading treatment" - a decision that has outraged members of a group for victims of the Mob.

Under Italian law, Mafia prisoners are kept under conditions defined by rule 41, which keeps them in solitary confinement, restricts privileges such as open air time and family visits.

Lo Piccolo, 58, is currently on remand in Milan's Opera jail awaiting trial and is said to have taken over as Boss of Bosses after the arrest of Bernardo Provenzano in 2005. Known as il Barone (The Baron) he was based in Palermo, on the Mafia's island stronghold of Sicily, and is said to have been behind the killing of several rival mobsters and also controls lucrative drug and extorting rackets.

Maria Teresa Zampogna, Lo Piccolo's lawyer, argued that filming her client in jail was acceptable providing the camera was switched off when he used the toilet as it was an invasion of privacy.

She said: "My client accepts that under rule 41 he is under constant video surveillance but he draws the line at being filmed while using the toilet."

Ms Zampogna added: "There is a real risk that this film of him using the bathroom will be seen by others not connected to his supervision or kept archived."

Judge Di Rosa agreed and ordered the TV cameras be switched off - but said guards could keep an eye on Lo Piccolo through a spy hole in the door providing he was not filmed.

A spokesman for the Association of Mafia Victims said: "We find it hard to accept the campaigning zeal of this judge towards the inhuman and degrading treatment of Salvatore Lo Piccolo.

"What about the inhuman and degrading treatment of his victims, their families and others who have suffered at the hands of the Mafia. He is in jail to be punished and if that means being filmed so be it.

"King Louis XIV of France regularly went to the toilet in public and no-one was bothered - why is this Mafiosi being given special treatment?"

After the hearing Ms Zampogna said: "I am delighted with this ruling and will now being work on my next case - getting the lights which are on 24 hours a day turned off at night. It's like Guantanamo Bay in there."

Lo Piccolo was arrested at an isolated farmhouse in November 2007 along with his son Sandro who shouted out to him, "I love you dad," as he was handcuffed and bundled away.

Police discovered a piece of paper on which were listed the so called Ten Commandments of the Mafia, which warned mobsters not to look at other gangsters wives or girlfriends, not to be seen with police, to be punctual and always be available - even if your wife is about to give birth.

"'Fanculo", that’s why they call it jail...you're supposed to get hassled in jail.

"Lo Piccolo was being subjected to inhuman and degrading treatment." Ah, we beg to differ. Lo Piccolo's fortune came from cocaine trafficking, extortion of businesses and investments in real estate. Don't blame the prison officials if they just wanted to make sure he wasn't conducting illicit business through his toilet.

"King Louis XIV of France regularly went to the toilet in public and no-one was bothered - why is this Mafiosi being given special treatment?" That has to be the most entertaining and out-of-left-field analogy of the century. "BRAVO!"

By the way, during his reign, King Louis produced many illegitimate children, most of whom were married to members of the royal family. Using the toilet in public was as discreet as he was going to be.

Ms Zampogna: "I am delighted with this ruling and will now being work on my next case - getting the lights which are on 24 hours a day turned off at night." Slow down, Signorina. That's just to make sure he's not giving orders or receiving updates from the 'tooth fairy'.

Fun Fact: In underground correspondence with other Mafia bosses, Sal used to identify himself by the "number 30". We have to assume that at least one smart-ass prison guard must have uttered the phrase, "Number 30 looks backed up. He's having problems with number 2."

Rome - April 2, 2010 - Police in Italy have conducted raids throughout the country and confiscated 270 tonnes of expired Easter cakes, chocolate eggs and other treats worth two million euros ($2.7 million).

Police found thousands of traditional Italian Easter "colombe" made in the shape of doves Thursday, which had expiry dates of up to two years ago, while bakeries and sweet makers were raided for allegedly mislabeling products in an attempt to pass off factory-made goods as their own.

The maximum violation of health guidelines was in Treviso city in the Veneto region where police confiscated about 70 tonnes of cakes and sweets. Police also seized food items in Salerno, Rome, Pisa, Livorno and other cities.

"270 tons...Wow! Andate tutti a 'fanculo!" Listen carefully...that's the sound of hundreds of thousands of Italian grandmothers spinning simultaneously in their graves.

Easter isn't as much about filling baskets as it is about filling our fat stomachs. Like most Italian holidays, our Easter festivities revolve around a dramatic multicourse meal orchestrated by 'Nonna'. Despite the meatball soup, lasagna, roast lamb and fruit finale, the real star of the day is dessert.

Of course, that was before Italy's "Bastardi Pastry Cartels" reached an agreement to coordinate the largest production and distribution of expired goodies in Italian history. "Cazzo", what a disappointment. You can't even trust a chocolate egg.

You have to regard a scrumptious Italian dessert as you would imagine the perfect woman; delicate, a little bittersweet, classy and quiet. Delicately made up, holding back, not exposing everything and, of course, with a flavor that lasts.

Be careful. There are many male readers among us who have experienced nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping, diarrhea and nervous system damage after a few weeks of dating so-called 'Miss Right'.

Italy's postal service intercepted a threatening letter containing a bullet addressed to Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, while a letter bomb sent to a minister caught fire, police said Saturday. A large envelope containing a letter addressed to Berlusconi with the threat "you will end up like a rat" was discovered on Friday in a post office in the Libate suburb of the northern city of Milan, police said.

The package, which also referred to other leaders of Berlusconi's center-right People of Freedom (PDL) party, was addressed to the prime minister's private residence in the Milan region, they said.

The news agencies reported that the anonymous letter contained drawings of figures under which were written the names of four PDL leaders including Defense Minister Ignazio La Russa. In another Milan post office, a letter bomb caught fire on Saturday, slightly injuring the hands of a postman, police said.

The Milan prefecture said the package contained threats against Interior Minister Roberto Maroni and was claimed by the Informal Anarchist Federation.

The letter accused Maroni, a member of Italy's far-right anti-immigrant Northern League, of failing to crack down on rapes in illegal immigrant centers, police said. The threats come ahead of fiercely contested regional elections on Sunday and Monday, with Berlusconi seeking to stem a slide in his popularity.

The interior ministry condemned the incidents as "real terrorist acts" which it vowed to eliminate to prevent a return to the violent political unrest that plagued Italy around the 1970s. It said the threats amounted to "very serious intimidation" which it would address at an extraordinary meeting of the Public Order and Security Committee called for Wednesday, it said.

Berlusconi was injured in an attack last December when a man hurled a heavy souvenir model of Milan's gothic cathedral at the controversial 73-year-old prime minister after a rally in the city, breaking his nose and two of his teeth.

"Cazzarola", it never fails! It's amazing how punctual these so-called threatening letters are whenever the putrid smell of Italian campaigning is in the air.

Berlusconi: "Love always wins over hate." Is little Silvio hoping to cash in again on the wave of sympathy towards him like he did when a flying souvenir used his face as an emergency landing strip?

"...the package contained threats against Interior Minister Roberto Maroni and was claimed by the Informal Anarchist Federation." "Figlio di puttana", you would think that the college kids working in the campaign offices could come up with more interesting and convincing names like:

The Insurgent Mozzarella Alliance,
The Radical Rompipalle Syndicate,
The Faccia di Culo Freedom Fighters,
The Sicilians Stuck Being Sicilians League.

Hmmm...how come the Catholic Church hasn't chimed in since it has always had a strange and clandestine control on Italian politics? Traditionally, for example, Madonnas start weeping around election time.

In 1948 in Naples, when the Communist Party looked likely to grab power, no fewer than 36 Madonnas began to shed tears. Nothing like crying statues to scare the bejesus out of those Napolitani.