"Come va?" Welcome to another Palermitan Pulitzer Prize issue of "Only In Italy!"
Quanto scrivi in Italiano devi essere consistente, Apulia è Puglie, non offenderci. Costantino
We'll keep it in mind, Connie.
All of us the news office wish all our loyal subscribers a healthy and happy summer season!
Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!
Milan - July 18, 2008 - Diners hungry for Chinese carry-out or Middle Eastern kebabs in Italy could have their choices limited under a regional law proposed by the anti-immigrant Northern League on Thursday.
The League called for the Lombardy regional council to allow cities to bar from their historic centers businesses that are "incompatible with the historical context."
"For example, fast food, Chinese restaurants, kebab, sex shops are types of commercial activity that clash heavily with a 1,000-year-old historic district, as is typical of Lombard reality," Daniele Belotti, a regional councilor with the League, said in a statement.
The measure is aimed at maintaining the character of historic town and city centers, it said.
Lombardy is the stronghold of the Northern League, part of Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's conservative coalition, and Italy's industrial heartland.
Other Italian regions, such as Tuscany, have laws that allow cities to limit business in their historic centers, Belotti said.
Like elsewhere in Europe, more and more Italians eat meals away from home and their traditional Mediterranean diet that includes pasta, fish, olive oil and red wine is losing ground."Ahhh, sta pippa!" Italian politicians hard at work creating the perfect civil environment.
The polenta-slurping racist members of the Northern League party have a tough, and often harsh, stance on crime, illegal immigration (especially from Muslim countries), Southern Italians (often dubbed as "terroni"), and terrorism. The party supports immigration from non-Muslim countries in order to protect the "Christian identity" of Italy and Europe, which, according to harebrained party officials, should be based on so-called "Judeo-Christian heritage".
Hard to believe, the party leadership dismisses charges of racism and declares itself loving and non-violent. However; there have been instances of speeches, interviews and banners pointing otherwise. The supreme peckerhead leader, Umberto Bossi himself, who described African immigrants as "Bingo-Bongos", in an interview suggested opening fire on the boats of immigrants who would disembark in Italy, but after widespread criticism he declared he was referring to empty boats.
Erminio Boso, a sparkling and gifted local leading jackass from the Province of Trento, proposed to segregate immigrants in different train cars from native Italians.
The former lustrous and compassionate mayor of Treviso, Giancarlo Gentilini, while in office, spoke about those he called "immigrant slackers", saying, "We should dress them up like hares and bang-bang-bang."
Umberto Bossi: "The Lega [Nord] must be like an army at war: desertions are not permitted; whoever maneuvers in the underworld of other parties will be unmasked and hunted down without mercy. Imagine finding this in your next fortune cookie.
"Cazzo", what one has to put up with just for a take out order of Kung Pow chicken and fried rice!
Florence - July 17, 2008 - A pack of wild boar invaded Italy's main north-south motorway near Florence Wednesday night, causing a crash in which a woman was injured.
One of the animals, which had roamed out of nearby woodland, hit the woman's Renault Clio, causing it to collide with an articulated truck.
The woman is being treated in a Florence hospital for minor injuries.
Porca di quel cinghiale, what were the chances of that?!
Woman: "A pack of wild pigs invaded the motorway, cut me off, and forced me to crash into a truck."
Fact: Italian drivers are hideous! Italians have their own driving style, and it's very different to that of Americans and British drivers. Caution isn't in their vocabulary, though they will argue that it is their great God-given skill that allows them to drive in this way and cause so few accidents. They aren't going to change to suit you so you'd better learn this tip next time one is speeding three inches behind your rear bumper:
Italians drivers are much more comfortable driving up close; try not to be panicked by this. On Italian roads, your responsibility is to those in front of you and to the side, and a rear-view mirror is for checking your makeup.
Our best wishes go out to the woman and hope a nice dish of "Pappardelle with Wild Boar Sauce" will help her get over the trauma.
Patrizio Mulas, the president of the Italian Hospital Dermatology Association (Adoi), said people should not be afraid of soaking up rays since exposure to the sun is crucial to the body's generation of Vitamin D.
"The summer is the perfect time to enjoy the benefits of the sun, and sometimes an exaggerated fear of developing skin cancer risks doing more harm than good," Mulas said.
"Constant exposure for two hours reduces the risk of developing prostate, breast and colon cancer by up to 50%," he claimed.
Mulas explained that Vitamin D deficiency dramatically increases the risk of developing the three types of cancer.
"Vitamin D also protects against infectious, autoimmune and cardiovascular diseases," he added.
Mulas said that the body's need for Vitamin D changes with age, and that while 200-400 units suffice for the under-50s, people over 70 require at least 600 units a day.
"A good diet and exposure to the sun, even just ten minutes' walk a day, will provide 400-600 units of Vitamin D, which is sufficient for a healthy young person," he said.
An hour of "total body" sun is meanwhile beneficial for post-menopausal women to combat osteoporosis and prevent breast and colon cancers, Mulas said. He nevertheless urged sunbathers to avoid the early afternoon when the sun is at its strongest and said people with fair skin should always wear adequate protection.
But sun worshippers were better off than people who use artificial lamps, Mulas added.
"Although sun lamps can provide a certain dose of Vitamin D, the lack of control over exposure means the risk of skin cancer is increased".
Mulas said people who were unable to soak up the sunshine should make sure their diets were rich in Vitamin-D foods such as eggs, butter, liver and fish rich in Omega-3.
"Oh cacchio", as if we didn't have enough unemployed sun-worshipping Italians at the beach.
Why is that you never see a pale or sunburnt Italian? Simple. Every Italian goes to the beach in the summer, and each has a perfect tan from day one. During the month of June Italians must become closet sunbathers, spending hours meticulously applying tanning creams, or lying on sun beds morning, noon and afternoon.
The June detail is important, for no one goes to the beach until July or August. Don't even think about stepping foot in the ocean in September.
Italians, especially the more cocky, ignorant, presumptuous ones, believe contact with water outside July and August will result in a potentially fatal chill. But then Italians are almost cat-like and jackass-like in their aversion to water or rather their aversion to anything that will disturb their haircuts and chest hair (men) or the carefully applied make-up (women).
They simply move many of their incredibly insignificant day and night habits to the beach and resist anything but partial immersion. Therefore, you'll see Italians dabbling knee-deep, wondering up and down and talking (often on a cell phone) in a watery parody of the evening "passeggiata". The pace will be slug-like, the hand gestures very annoying, nervous and frantic.
Another remarkable reason for the lack of Italians in any given stretch of sea is that an unbelievable number cannot swim. (Let's see Dr. Patrizio try to explain this funny phenomenon.)
In addition to jewellery, women on the beach will be wearing very expensive bikinis, the designer and price of which will be known by every other woman on the beach. Many men, of course, will be providing entertainment to the women by displaying stomachs which have reached maximum density and wearing the tiny Speedo-like briefs that only Italians under 22 can get away with.
And, of course, who can forget the expensive sunglasses?
"Cornuti disgraziati", then there's the noise!
The chances are that any given family or group will have at least two radios or portable CD players. These will be carefully positioned and the most infernal racket will then begin. Cazzo, but no one complains. Cazzo, again, no one would ever think to complain. But worse will follow, because the most colossal and moronic argument will erupt about who is going to listen to what and when.
After lunch everyone has a nap in the shade, then someone is sent to the "chiosco" for ridiculously overpriced gelato. At 8pm people start packing up and trekking back to their villas and apartments to shower before the inevitable zombie crawl later in the evening.