Hey! Che si dice?" Welcome to the site that can't stand that little "Dolce" nor his boyfriend "Gabbana", "Only In Italy!"
Back to back "Only In Italy" newsletters! "Cacchio," hard to believe!
Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!
Rome - February 15, 2010 - It is a criminal offence to call someone a coward, Italy's supreme court of appeals said Monday. The Court of Cassation overturned the 2009 acquittal of a Sicilian man who used the word against neighbours during a condominium row.
In last year's decision, a justice of the peace ruled the word "vigliacco" ('coward') was not insulting because it "has become part of common usage".
But the high court disagreed, finding that the word was "still insulting even it has become widely used".
If a Sicilian man uses a word like 'coward' during a condominium row with no subsequent blood shed, then we highly recommend you invest in that Sicilian piece of real estate for it must be friendlier than Mister Roger's neighborhood.
So, if naming someone a "vigliacco" is no longer a "part of common usage" in Italy, how would one judge the following theoretical situations that could arise between loving Sicilian neighbors:
"Excuse me, Signorina 'zoccola' (prostitute, harlot), can you please tell your fatherless children there is no playing permitted in hallways, lobbies, or other common areas of the apartment building? They certainly could have grown to behave more appropriately if they were breast-fed instead of with a slingshot."
"Signore 'cazzone' (male anatomy), you are well aware that renters are not allowed pets in any of the apartment units. The tenants think they're living in deep Africa and are getting tired of walking around with mosquito nets over their heads."
"Signora, please tell your 'cacasenno' (smart-ass, know-it-all) of a husband no trash or garbage can is permitted in the hallways, patios, stairwells or landings at any time. We realize he has proven Darwin's theory wrong by letting evolution stop by your home to have a couple of drinks with him."
"Hey, Signorino 'rompicoglioni' (ball breaker), residents shall not nor permit any public nuisance or disturbance caused by loud music, stereo/television, partying, or from any other source that disturbs or annoys other residents. Yes, it's tough to get up for school after a vast consumption of cheap wine, pasta con le sarde (sardines) and stupidity but try to make an effort."
Vatican City - February 15th, 2010 - The Beatles, Oasis, Pink Floyd, Michael Jackson and U2 may be one step closer to paradise. But Bob Dylan is still "Knockiní on Heavenís Door."
The Vatican has previously denounced rock music as the devilís work but in a surprise change of tune on Sunday the Holy Seeís official newspaper, Lí Osservatore Romano, published what it called "a semiserious guide" to the top ten rock and pop albums of all time.
The list included The Beatlesí "Revolver," which was given the top slot, Pink Floydís "The Dark Side of The Moon", Oasisí 1995 bestseller "(Whatís the Story) Morning Glory?" and Michael Jacksonís blockbuster "Thriller."
"Some songs seem to have been written yesterdayÖ while others still send shivers down the spine for their illuminating simplicity and musical thrust" the writers of the article said about "Thriller." Of Oasisí record, LíOsservatore Romano said "the album was never equaled" in part because of the disruptive in-fighting by the Gallagher brothers, the leaders of the group.
The albums are perfect listening material for anyone who finds himself marooned on a desert island, the Holy Seeís newspaper noted.
Other records that made the top ten include U2ís "Achtung Baby", Fleetwood Macís "Rumours", Donald Fagenís "The Nightfly," Carlos Santanaís "Supernatural," Paul Simonís "Graceland" and David Crosbyís "If I Could Only Remember My Name."
The article by Giuseppe Fiorentino and Gaetano Vallini said that Dylan was excluded from the list despite his "great poetic vein" because he paved the way for generations of unprofessional singer-songwriters who have "harshly tested the ears and patience of listeners" with their tormented stories.
In the last two years, under new editor- in-chief Gian Maria Vian, Lí Osservatore Romano has shed some of its serious image and taken a more open approach, finding merit even in popular movies such as the "Harry Potter" series and "The Lord of the Rings."
Hmmm...Before anyone gets into a hissy fit and rehearses their rant for the next church meeting, realize it's the Vatican's newspaper. It's not like the Pope or some high ranking official came out and announced that their top ten list was the word of God. This is the equivalent of a college newspaper reviewing the 'McItaly' burger as fine Italian cuisine.
However, this could be a sign the Vatican wants to be relevant and hip with modern society. Of course, there are not many things in this world many take guidance on from the Vatican. Music certainly isn't one of them nor is film. Although there a few great flicks that have the Vatican's "two thumbs up" such as, "2001: A Space Odyssey", "Ben Hur" and "The Ten Commandments"
(We're sure the Vatican as well as we are curious to know if anyone ever cursed on the movie set of "The Ten Commandments" but that's neither here nor there.)
"...Dylan was excluded from the list despite his "great poetic vein" because he paved the way for generations of unprofessional singer-songwriters who have "harshly tested the ears and patience of listeners" with their tormented stories." That's just a long and winded excuse for stating that even the Pope knows how overrated Bob is.
We really don't know what to make of this. Maybe if the newspaper staff spent a little more time weeding the Vatican gardens, and a little less trying to be hip, there would be less controversy.
Rome - February 15, 2010 - TV chef Beppe Bigazzi has been suspended after talking about the quality of cat meat on a TV show.
The 77-year-old Italian cook was speaking on La Prova del Cuoco (The Cooks' Challenge) when he made the controversial comments about feline flesh.
Bigazzi admitted to having eaten cat meat and said that it was 'tastier than other animals", before adding: "I can assure you it's a delicacy, now I am going to get lots of letters." The chef was suspended by RAI TV deputy director Gianvito Lomaglio pending an investigation into the matter.
Bigazzi later said: "It's all a big mix-up. Once they see the video they will see that there is nothing untoward, it's just a misunderstanding and I don't really want to say anything else.
"I was just trying to explain a saying from where I come from about the eating of cats. In the '30s and '40s they were very popular."
"Mamma mia", the video is quite entertaining. You can't tell if he's serious and praying the TV and studio audiences will look past his idiocy OR that he was full of crap and immobile from liquor.
"I can assure you it's a delicacy, now I am going to get lots of letters." Beppe, get the food out of your ears! You're no longer at Pizza University and you don't have to dress up like a bell pepper to make the soccer team happy.
It's hard to grasp what drove him to make this revelation. By the way, just to make him feel better, more people are reading about him now on the web than during his entire exhilarating career.
Maybe with all the vegetables and spices in the studio, there was no proper ventilation and he got dizzy. Regardless, Beppe should be beaten with raw vegetables everytime he reaches for a recipe book.
Of course, many of our readers will now think this is somewhat hypocritical of the Italians. Some of you have witnessed Italians eating horse steak and stew without as much as batting an eyelid as to where the meat came from. Therefore, how is eating a cat any worse than eating a horse?
Then we invite you to visit our grandfather who would love to talk to you about horsemeat:
Nonno (partially deaf and yelling): "Porca l'oca! Horsemeat is marvelous!"
"HORSEMEAT! During the war everybody ate horsemeat! It makes the best BRACIOLE!"
"You take the meat; add a lot of garlic and parsley and roll it with thread and you put in some nice tomatoes. Thatís it! Itís great! I ate it all the time and I look great. LOOK! I donít even have a pimple on me!"
At that point of the discussion we're usually passed out on the floor because our grandfather has sucked in every bit of air in the room.