"Qui siamo, Signori e Signore." Welcome to the only newsletter that believes who is born a donkey can actually die a horse, "Only In Italy!"

We go to Italy often and will continue to do so. Just get the politicians out of the way and make it people to people. Who needs "Figli Di Puttana" any way. Samuel S.

Ah! Thank you, Sammy! Of course, you should come over and visit the Motherland as much as you like. We welcome you. However, we're having a problem getting rid of our politicians (and we've been trying)! We suggest to bring lots of mosquito repellant the next time you fly over.

You never know when one of these "figli di puttana" might fly up behind you in a bar, talk politics, and sting you with the check!    

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Rome - November 5, 2010 - Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi urged Neapolitans to start recycling to help solve their city's trash crisis Friday and said government plans for Naples refuse problems will work if local authorities do their bit.

Last week Berlusconi said it would take just three days to clear thousands of tonnes of uncollected refuse, but trash is still piled up on the southern city's streets. The efforts have been hampered by violent protests by demonstrators opposed to dumps situated on the outskirts of Naples and in the surrounding area.

"According to our studies, only 15% of rubbish in Naples is separated for recycling," Berlusconi told a press conference after a cabinet meeting.

"The public must make an effort to increase this to reduce the amount of rubbish taken to dumps".

He said local authorities in the area were to blame if the problem had returned after his administration ended a similar crisis in 2008.

"The opposition has found an opportunity to say our plan was not effective, but that plan works and it will work if the local institutions do their duty and proceed with the opening of new landfill sites and the construction of new incinerators," Berlusconi said.

The Premier added that a decree on the creation of new incinerators, including some in the Naples area, will be presented at the next cabinet meeting.

Ah, Fall is such a wonderful season, especially for the Napolitani...watching the leaves and garbage change color.

If one sidewalk is too full, the Napolitani just cross the street.
When too much garbage accumulates, they just set it ablaze.
Then you have tourists who visit the city and say, "Why does it resemble Kenya after a stampede of elephants and rhinos?"

How do you explain to the Napolitani, a fun loving race of Southern Italians who flush everything, except the cat, that they have to wake up, smell the espresso, and get with the recycling program?

The typical Napolitano: "Eh, recycle? Who are you? Get away from me and 'vai a cagare!' No self-respecting southern Italian would partake in what many here ridicule as an obsessively-orderly and time wasting Northern Italian habit."

You see, dear reader, whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap, the Napolitani come up with a more shifty and untrustworthy mouse.

So, here a couple of reasons why the Napolitani should recycle:

- Aluminum: Recycling one aluminum can saves enough energy to run a TV showing bad Italian programs for three hours.

- CDs: Napolitano CDs are the worst kind of music (it’s unfair to actual crummy music to call Napolitano music crummy) and make extremely cheap presents. People should make good use of the wasted CD plastic by tossing those Nino D'Angelo songs in the recycling bins.

Rome - November 7, 2010 - Lucio Cappelli, 39, serving with the Italian paramilitary Carabinieri, killed his daughter Angelica, 13, with his service gun. He also shot his 15-year-old daughter before killing himself with a bullet to the head.

Colleagues investigating the murder and suicide said that Cappelli had stormed out of the police station after a furious row with Angelica because she was constantly on the social network site Facebook.

The tragedy happened in the town of Subiaco on the outskirts of Rome.

His 15-year-old daughter Michela was recovering from wounds to her legs and abdomen but was expected to live. Cappelli's wife Anna, a teacher, and his youngest son Gabriele, aged ten, were not in the house at the time of the shootings and she arrived to see paramedics taking away her husband's body.

Paramedics said he and Angelica had been killed instantly after suffering gunshot wounds to the head.

Neighbors said they were "shocked" with one adding: "He seemed such a nice man, he must have just flipped."

A tribute site had been set up for Angelica on YouTube, with images of her set to music. Among the tributes was one from her cousin which read: "I miss you immensely. I will think of you and pray for you always."

A police source said: "He was worried about what his daughters' were writing and posting on their Facebook sites and he would regularly scrutinize them even at work.

"The theory is that he saw something on Angelica's page that upset him and he wanted to speak with her about it."

An interesting event has occurred over the past few years in Italian cyber space: Italians discovered Facebook. And let us tell you how interesting it is to watch a typical Italian using it compared to, let's say, Americans.

To begin with, Italians are obsessed with it. There are 16 million of us who spend a record average of 6 hours and 27 minutes a month on the social network (followed by the USA with 6 hours and France with 4 hours and 12 minutes). It may seem as an unsurprising statistic...but "cazzarola", it is when you consider that a large proportion of us don't know how to use a damn computer nor are we aware what purpose Facebook serves.

And what the hell do we do with all that time on FB? Well, brace yourselves. We "accumulate" as many friends as possible; similar to the way people collect empty tomato sauce bottles, flower pots, washed plastic bags, and string (that's what we nincompoops in Southern Italy collect, thank you very much).

So, was this the motive for the police officer to perform a blitz on his family and then on himself?
What was on his daughter's FB wall that turned him into the Roman Avenger?

'Fanculo, getting tired of seeing salami, pancetta and prosciutto hanging out to dry from my garage ceiling! Amici, help! :/

"Cazzo", I couldn't care less about my relatives...who aren't really my relatives! Quite frankly, all of my father's second cousins can kiss my "culo!" (rear) :s

Rome - November 8, 2010 - Italy's highest appeals court on Monday confirmed the annulment of a marriage on the grounds that the wife thought of having an affair but never in fact had one.

"We fully support the lower court's findings even though there was no evidence of the woman frequenting other men," the Cassation Court said in its ruling, which sets a precedent.

The woman, who was not named, was trying to have the ruling overturned to benefit from no-blame financial arrangements including alimony. After the high court's apparently draconian verdict she will be left to look out for herself.

According to judicial sources, both the husband and wife told judges that she had often "theorized" the freethinking idea that a marriage does not necessarily have to be based on sexual fidelity, but "never put the idea into practice".