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"Minghia, che giornata!" Welcome to another law abiding issue of "Only In Italy!" Why don't they leave Padre Pio's remains alone? People will pray to him whether they see the body or not. Mary Z. Well, Mary, according to that Vatican, the exhumation was simply to "check on the state of the body" on the 40th anniversary of the saint's death. After all, someone had to remind him that it's been 40 years since his passing away. We also had to ask for his political opinion on the upcoming circus elections and if it was possible to let us know how soon will it be before we will be checking on the state of their decomposing bodies. Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie! Tanti Saluti,
Los Angeles - February 22, 2008 - Hollywood strongman Silvester Stallone says he wants to die in Italy. "I'm immensely proud of my Italian origins and I'll be happy, one day, to live in Italy and die there," Stallone, 61, told a pre-Oscar Italo-American movie gathering here. The Rocky and Rambo star added: "I love stories that have to do with mythology and I think Italians create mythology and never lose their enthusiasm for life". "You (Italians) are always capable of surprising yourselves and with the belief in 'domani' (tomorrow) you always find a solution". On screen, Stallone said he believed he got his "intensity" from Italian actors. Stallone's father Frank was a hairdresser from a village near Bari in southeastern Italy. Stallone visited Italy earlier this month on a promo tour for 'John Rambo', the fourth and possibly final film in the Rambo series which opens in Italy on Friday. Rocky Balboa: "Nothing hits harder than life.""Si. Vaffanculo, Rocky!" What an honor, Silvester. We'll name a town after you and make you a pizza as soon as your plane lands at Fiumicino. What better place to retire and live out your golden years after a full life of making great films and bench pressing? After all, you need to rest. Some jackass convinced you to bring back Rocky at age 60. "You (Italians) are always capable of surprising yourselves and with the belief in 'domani' (tomorrow) you always find a solution". That's true, Sly. We surprised our pants off when we left a million tons of garbage scattered all over the Campania Region. We believe we'll find a solution 'domani' so, we'll avoid that region today. Maybe, Rambo can give us a hand by working a garbage truck and flame thrower. Stallone: "The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can't change. After I die, I'll probably come back as a paintbrush." Luck won't punch you in the face twice, Sly. You'll be a brush painting a chicken shed in your father's old village.
Rome - February 27, 2008 - Priests and trainee clergymen will soon be shooting hoops and slam dunking in the name of the Catholic Church as the Vatican gears up for a new basketball tournament. On the heels of last year's Clericus Cup football championship comes the Clericus Cup basketball competition, open to all men of the cloth and anyone registered at one of the city's pontifical training colleges or universities. Philadelphia-born basketball star Marques Green, who plays for the Italian league's Avellino team, has sent his blessing for the presentation of the Catholic championship on Friday. The new competition is organized by the Centro Sportivo Italiano, a Christian body that promotes education through sport and also masterminds the Clericus Cup football tournament. The second edition of the Vatican football competition got under way in November, with 16 squads battling to take part in the final scheduled for May 3. The tournament follows most standard soccer rules but games only last 60 minutes and referees show a blue card to players who get a bit hot under the collar, putting them in a 'sin bin' to cool off for five minutes. But ball sports are not the only competitive leisure activities getting a holy seal of approval. Earlier this month around 50 priests gathered at the Passo del Lupo ski resort in Sestola to show off their freestyle and slalom skills on the slopes for the ninth edition of the Priest's National Ski Championship, which has adopted the slogan "may the lord ski with you". "Madonna Santa, Shoot!" Priests admiring the athletic prowess of other people. To them, anyone that uses the stairs is an athlete.10 Commandments of Holy Basketball Thou shalt not believe anything you read in glowing sports news reports about priests until thou hast seen it demonstrated with thine own eyes. Remember, everybody is talented in a church. Thou shalt not believe that an obese priest who comes into camp can play well solely based on faith. Thou shalt practice on the Sabbath. Thou must think outside the confession box. Thou shalt taunt. Thou shalt accept responsibility and suffering for thy team's pathetic actions. Thou shalt not honor and respect the judgment of the officials. Loyalty to thy team is always compromised. Thou shalt win at all costs. Thou shalt rely on the Lord, the one big Scorer, to bail out the unworthy team.
Rimini - February 26, 2008 - Italian police have arrested a man they described as a "modern Robin Hood", who carried out a series of crimes to give money to the poor. Pasquale D'Angelo, 37, used a toy gun to hold up a branch of the Banca Nazionale di Lavoro in Rimini on Thursday morning. He made off with 3,500 Euro ($5425), which he took to a nearby bar and started distributing among the poorer customers. Then he visited a butcher's shop, a fruit stand and a hairdresser's, giving the money away. Finally, he hailed a taxi to take him to a church, but was apprehended. Nine days earlier, D'Angelo relieved the Cassa di Risparmio di Forli bank of around 2400 Euro ($3800) and gave the money to tramps. He is in prison in Rimini, after choosing to remain silent before a judge. Luca Greco, his lawyer, has requested a psychiatric assessment of his client. For the past two years D'Angelo has worked as a volunteer at a religious organization in Rimini. Members of the charity told local newspapers that he was a "very good and altruistic man". However, they noted that his behavior had become erratic following the death of his mother in January. "Soldi, per favore. Sono Robin Hood, cacchio!" You have to admire how Pasquale the swashbuckler blended in his daily routine with the heist: 1.) Hold up local bank with "toy gun". (Don't bother with the "get-away car" because it has no gas.) 2.) Stop off at bar and grab an espresso and "cornetto". Give away money to who can't afford a "cornetto" and who remain at the bar for more than 4 minutes. 3.) Stop by butcher shop and order a kilo of sausage. (Make sure the fat bastardo mixes in more pork than fat.) Give away money to who spends the entire morning talking with the butcher and staring at the veal shanks. 4.) Stop by fruit stand for fresh fruit. Ask vendor why one would have to rob a bank to afford his apricots and plums. Give away money to vendor so he can change his dirty socks. 5.) Stop by hairdresser for a shave. Give away money to barber so he can change the dirty blue water and old magazines. 6.) Hail taxi to church to ask for forgiveness. Ask driver if the meter charge is for a kilometer or to go to France. Leave very cheap tip. Give away rest of money to Maid Marian, Maid Maria and the rest of the tramps.
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