"Buona giornata!" Welcome to the only newsletter that believes who is born a donkey can die a horse. "Only In Italy!"
"Basta! This is the second article I have read where you have ridiculed our ancient healing traditions... the other was in an article on Malta. What is with you? Are you the Spanish Inquisition or what? Even Jesus speaks of the evil eye in the Bible... you are very disconnected from our traditions... in the Malta article you even referred to a healer as witch. Buffuni! Other than that I love your newsletter :-)" Cristala M.
Thanks for the criticism, Cristala.
Of course, it is not our intention to offend anyone that holds our Italian traditions dearly (unless humor is involved which is about 90% of the cases). What is annoying are the Italian magos (wizards) and witches who infest our country and claim to have "Old Testament" powers that can rid us of our curses.
How is one to react when a wizard asks for 1700 Euros to get rid of a curse which is supposedly causing you simple heartburn and indigestion?
Trust us, Cristala. Jesus would have taken 'Pepto Bismol', cursed the wizard and moved along His way.
Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!
Florence - February 25, 2008 - The Renaissance genius Galileo Galilei is once again at the center of a row between Church and science more than 360 years after his death. Italian researchers want to exhume his body for DNA tests to find the cause of the blindness that afflicted him.
They also want to confirm whether the body that shares his grave is that of Galileo's beloved daughter.
Galileo fell foul of the religious authorities of the day when he argued that the Earth revolved around the Sun.
For that he was accused of heresy and condemned to see out his life under house arrest at his villa in the hills outside Florence.
Researchers in Florence want to exhume the two bodies from the city's Basilica of the Holy Cross but the rector of the basilica is having none of it describing the plan as disrespectful.
For his part, the man leading the bid to exhume the remains, Prof Paulo Galluzzi, says the tests could prove if the other body is that of Galileo's daughter, Sister Maria Celeste.
Her letters to her father sustained him in later life and formed the basis of a bestselling book a few years ago.
To locate the remains of someone who played an important part in the life of one of history's greatest scientists is a serious, humanitarian task, Prof Galluzzi told news reporters.Galileo Galilei: "I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him." Well, Gal, prepare yourself. You are soon going to meet tomb raider, Prof. Galluzzi, who is very curious about your eye problems.
Gal was known to be the first European to observe and analyze sunspots. I guess it never occurred to "Indiana Galluzzi" that this could lead to blindness. He should put down the crowbar and stare at the sun for a while. Something will come to him.
And why would the church want to exhume Gal? To look at the smile on his face from the last laugh? For the past 360 years the church suffered constant public ridicule from the scientific fact that the sun (not the Vatican) is at the center of the universe and the Earth revolves around it.
Fact: On 31 October 1992, Pope John Paul II expressed regret for how the Galileo affair was handled, and officially admitted that the Earth was not stationary, as the result of serious back pedaling and a study conducted by the Pontifical Council for Culture.
The council figured it would be less expensive and time consuming to just admit Gal was right rather than shoot a pontifical satellite into space.
Genoa - March 5, 2008 - The frustrated lover of an Italian man castrated him in a fit of rage sparked by his refusal to leave his wife, Italian police said.
The unidentified man, a 40-year-old professional, rushed to an ER in this northwestern city with his right testicle "hanging by a thread," doctors said. Doctors were unable to save the testicle and are now working on the other one, which is in a "grave" condition after losing "copious" amounts of blood.
Deep knife wounds were found on the man's scrotum. The man initially said he had had an "accident" but eventually admitted his lover had taken a knife to him in a "fit of jealous rage".
In a separate case in the northern city of Parma, a wife bit off a piece of her estranged husband's penis after pretending to agree to make-up sex.
"Oh, porca di quella troja, it's hanging by a thread..." Italian women are beautifully dangerous. Ever watch a nature film when they show a coyote eat his own leg off to escape a trap? Start chewing...
"When she punches you eye like a big pizza pie"
"When her knife seems to shine like you've had too much wine"
"When you cry down the street with blood at your feet"
And how the hell do you "pretend to agree to make-up sex"? The only explanation could be Giuseppe did not forgive and forget, was too lazy to take off his underwear and used his finger instead.
"Mamma Mia!" Nothing like going home to the same person everyday for the rest of your life.
Genoa - February 25, 2008 - A 'gentleman thief' who presented his victims with red roses was nabbed in Genoa on Monday.
Police said they had tracked down the man, 48, by following the trail left by his flowers at various shops. Shopkeepers helped police identify him because he always wore the same clothes, police said.
The man, identified by his initials as R.F., was caught as he was about to present two post-office cashiers with roses wrapped in cellophane. He gave a cashier at another Genoa post office a similar souvenir last week.
"It's a way of saying sorry," said the man, who used a toy gun to stick up his victims.
R.F. is believed to have robbed a bank inside the northwestern city's Gaslini hospital last year. Police found the bank's safe empty except for a bouquet of flowers.
"Una bella rosa per una bella donna... Eh, dove sono i soldi?"
What do James Bond, David Niven and Cary Grant have in common? They represent the quintessential gentleman. It's what makes them so charming and beloved.
The idea of a 'gentleman thief' is one who understands the basics of etiquette and chivalry:
He would remove his hat before entering a bank or post office about to be robbed.
But you would think the mentally handicapped Genovese "Pink Panther" would have spent some of the loot on a few brand new Italian suits.
"Oh, I beg your pardon." How distinguished did the quintessential jackass look dressed in the same clothes?
Cazzo, it's amazing he didn't shoot himself in the foot with the toy gun.