"Vi amiamo!" Welcome to another not-so-secure issue of "Only In Italy!"

Attention to all Cisco customers worldwide: Cisco Systems issued a security warning this weekend to customers after new software code was published on the Internet that targeted certain vulnerabilities on several of its networking products.

And let's not forget to mention that a bunch of runny-nosed teenagers in Italy are the ones who discovered & published this software code that has, so far, caused a few million dollars worth of damage.

At the bottom of each newsletter could you please place a glossary or list of the English translations of the Italian phrases used. I do try to figure it out for myself but both google.com/language_tools and also SysTran.com don't know what the words "coglioni", "troja" and "schifo" mean. I need to know both how to pronounce these phrases and what they mean in order to add some believability to the veiled threat "I have relatives in Sicily". (Which can be difficult when you have an Irish surname) Keep up the great work. Ciao for niao. Dale

Dale, we do not put the translations of these words otherwise your ISPs and e-mail filters will bury our newsletters. But we'll give you an idea of what those specific words mean:

Coglioni: those 2 little ugly things below your waist,
Troja: a female pig,
Schifo: disgust

And we dare you, Dale, to talk about these words with your Sicilian relatives. You'll go over real big at the family reunions.

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,              
"Only In Italy" Staff       

Rome - March 29, 2004 - Cisco Systems issued a security warning this weekend to customers after new software code was published on the Internet that targeted certain vulnerabilities on several of its networking products.

The software code, written by a group of teenagers in Italy calling themselves the "Black Angels," exploits nine vulnerabilities found in Cisco's Internetwork Operating System (IOS). This software runs on most of Cisco's products, including its Catalyst Ethernet switches and Internet Protocol routers.

Most of the vulnerabilities make Cisco routers and switches more susceptible to distributed denial-of-service attacks. These attacks occur when hackers take control of servers and flood the network with millions of packets, which eventually cripple devices like switches and routers that try to process all the packets.

The Black Angels, who describe themselves on their Web site as "a group of Italian teenager boys" who are "experts in the network security field and programming," stated that they do not take any responsibility for "incorrect or illegal use of this software or for eventual damages to others systems." The group has written the code in an effort to bring more awareness to security flaws, according to the site.

Members of the Black Angels were not available for comment.

Well, sometimes you need to motivate these Italian kids. A lot of them become lazy and don't put their efforts in school. So, Italian teachers advise them to go out and participate in extracurricular activities for credit.

Can you imagine these little Italian "experts in the network security field and programming" sitting on their little scooters on street corners, eating their *potato heroes and trying to impress their empty-headed girlfriends with the story of how they punched nine security holes in the operating systems of Cisco, the worldwide leader in networking for the Internet?

It makes you want to grab these spoiled kids by the ear and ram their hard drives where the sun doesn't shine!

(We'll end this story right here. Our web site doesn't exactly have "Pentagon" level security so we wouldn't want to upset these little bastards.)

*potato heroes: a very popular sandwich of Italian teens. It consists of hero bread filled with french fries, ketchup and mayonnaise.

Palermo - March 9, 2004 - He's happy to be a called a man of the people and name his party after a soccer chant but woe betide the person who tries to pull Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi down to street level.

Italy's billionaire premier, who markets himself as a self-made man, on Tuesday cut short a stall holder from the Sicilian city of Palermo who called him a "colleague".

"We don't do the same job, we are not colleagues. You do a job that is useful to the economy, but I'm no street hawker, my job is to govern the country," Berlusconi said during a live radio chat show, refusing to answer the caller's question.

Further distancing himself from ordinary Italians, the media magnate-prime minister then went on to say, with a laugh: "I am immortal," quoting a comment made earlier this year by one of his doctors.

"Cazzo!" That takes courage.

I guess the immortal jackass doesn't realize he's supposed to be a role model for the Italian society.

Our lucky premier should kiss the big feet of Italian people every day for the billions we gave him. And if it weren't for the help from Italian politics, he would be stooped over right now with his colleague from Palermo picking horse manure out of their shoes.

Ahhh...Italy, the patria of endless political parties. The country where you could win a seat in Parliament with just 7% of the votes.

Rome - March 1, 2004 - Leaders across Italy's political spectrum attacked the reforms minister, Umberto Bossi, yesterday after he ridiculed the Pope and criticized "thieving" cardinals.

After the Polish-born pontiff improvised a message in Roman dialect to visiting priests, Mr. Bossi, leader of the federalist Northern League party, said he was sending the pontiff three dictionaries of northern Italian dialects so he could speak something other than Polish and Roman.

He also said priests should "go barefoot again" and referred to "thieving monsignors and cardinals".

The comments drew wide criticism from his partners in Silvio Berlusconi's coalition. "Bossi has exceeded the limits of decency," the deputy prime minister, Gianfranco Fini, said.

"Aspetta!" Where does all this anger come from and why?

Yes, the Italian people are well aware of the 'shenanigans' that go on in that Vatican but we prefer to just shut up, smile and give thanks. And we especially give many thanks around the Communion and Confirmation seasons when we have to empty our wallets for the required donations needed to support Church services.

Before you click on the little "x" on the right hand corner of your screen, read and reflect upon the following words:

This young and perfectly healthy minister suffered a massive heart attack approximately one week AFTER he issued his loving comments to the church. To this very day, he is still recovered in intensive care...