"Ciao-Ciao!" Welcome to another lasagna issue of "Only In Italy!"

The smell of Nonna's homemade pasta is no more (it was once worth coming back from the dead for it). The left over ricotta 'cassata' is just a faint memory. The last 'baccala' sandwich was just finished. The Mafia bosses have returned to prison after being granted liberty for Easter Sunday.

Nothing is sadder in Sicily than the end of Easter. We've enjoyed it. Hope you did too.

BUONA PASQUA to all of you at 'Only In Italy' and mille grazie for all the laughs I have enjoyed since you began sending me your newsletters. I particularly like your comments following each story especially the one after today’s article about ‘u vecchiu trying to blow up a 'noisy' restaurant in lil ol’ Riposto.

Mizzichedda!!! What was he trying to do? Compete with Mungibeddu? Perhaps he DOES need more fiber in his diet, but instead of trying to destroy the place, he could’ve ruminated on the possible consequences of such an action over a lovely plate of pasta cu burrania, very good for cooling down the blood, so my papà used to tell me. I do hope his hips are still in one piece. I wonder if he’s tried earplugs? (To eliminate the noise of jolly human beings enjoying themselves). Lucky he doesn't live in Iraq. Ora, mi nni vaiu and look forward to your next newsletter. Ciao ciao. Ninuzza

Our staff thanks you for the feedback and we're happy to see that our newsletter is growing on you like a humorous fungus, Ninuzza. May we also add that, if we knew all the answers to your questions, we'd win $64,000.

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,              
"Only In Italy" Staff       

Rome - March 3, 2004 - A man who had finished robbing alms from a local church was arrested when he asked two undercover police officers to help him carry the money.

He had completed the job armed with a hammer and chisel. The loot was 600 Euros ($725) in change.

He could have made a clean getaway. After he had finished cleaning out the alms box from the church, he walked away undisturbed until he realized that he could no longer go further due to the excessive weight of the change.

He asked two officers who were on patrol for help in carrying the change who immediately became suspicious of the request and arrested the man.

"Minchia, che fortuna!"

Hmmm...Why bother arresting him? When you think about it, the country would be much safer with stupid people like him.

The Italian police should have just slapped him in the face, confiscated the money and forced him to walk around with a T-shirt with the words, "Endangered Species". This way we could leave him alone so he could breed.

Milan - April 9, 2004 - More than 12,000 Euros ($14,400) is the price that Elio Braga will have to pay for an anonymous letter mailed to the husband of a wife whom he defined as a "liar".

The victim, Silvia Sepe, had pressed charges against the author of the handwritten letter and judge Paola Gandolfi of the first section of the Civil Court of Milan had accepted the request for compensation.

Braga was sentenced to pay 7,000 Euros to the victim plus an additional 5,048 Euros for legal costs.

"Porca Miseria!" This story is dedicated to all you wonderful women.

Can you please tell us stupid & ignorant men what drove Silvia and Judge Paola to such angry and harsh behavior towards this poor Italian guy because we don't believe for a minute it has to do with the "liar" letter!

We love you but we don't understand you...

Most women in Italy live better than Cleopatra. Women from other countries would give up their left breast to live like the women here.

We don't mind that some of you look and walk around like you're in your ninth month of pregnancy so cut us a little slack. We have problems of our own.

And we don't complain when we encounter your small problems of stubble; a few hairs that pop up here and there in a few unshaved places. We know that, sometimes, you'll insist that you don't want to shave unless it's for some occasion.

Bari - February 24, 2004 - It actually happened along the Turi Conversano roadway in the province of Bari.

Three thieves used their car to run the auto of a restaurant owner off the road with the clear intention of robbing him.

But after realizing the victim was injured in the accident, the three gentlemen thieves gave him first aid and accompanied him all the way to the hospital without touching the receipts of the restaurant.

"Grazie!" What a happy ending to a rather tragic story.

See? You tourists have nothing to worry about when you come visit this summer.

In Palermo and Naples, the thieves joyously smile when they pick your pockets.

In Calabria, they will rob your house but they'll make the bed, hang the wash to dry and vacuum.