Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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April 2004
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"Nine Afghan Soccer Players Missing"

(04/13/04)

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"Ciao-Ciao!" Welcome to the only newsletter not controlled by the Italian government, "Only In Italy!"

"Che cazzo!" What the hell is going on in Iraq? Why is it still a mess there? Doesn't the USA realize it's a lost cause? There is only one organization that can straighten out that entire country quickly and very quietly. And it's Italian (well...Sicilian)!

That's right! The Mafia can!

Fact: According to Saddam Hussein's mistress, Saddam was mesmerized and fascinated with the Godfather films. He admired the loyalty and respect people had for Brando, DeNiro and Pacino.

First, the Mafia would bring their cement and construction expertise and illegally rebuild the entire country.

No more riots, protests and beating themselves with chains. The Mafia will import tons of fresh Italian food that will calm everybody down. "Less anger, more pasta!"

No more dangerous religious cults and complaining fanatics! It's the secret codes of honor for everyone! Only one Godfather to follow and pray to!

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,              
"Only In Italy" Staff       


Missing in Italy: Nine Afghan Soccer Players

Verona - April 13, 2004 - Nine members of the Afghanistan national soccer team are missing after leaving the squad's hotel, though police said Tuesday it was unclear if the players were attempting to defect.

Afghanistan was scheduled to face Verona in a friendly benefit match Tuesday, part of a tour marking the team's first appearance in Europe in 20 years.

A team official notified police Monday morning that the players were missing from their hotel in Peschiera, just outside Verona, police spokesman Luigi Altamura said. He added that Italian border police had been alerted of the development.

Altamura said the players were carrying visas that enabled them to enter Italy, although a team official was holding on to all of the players' other documents, including their passports.

The match with Verona will still be played after a few Afghan players living in Germany were called in to replace the missing team members.

"I'm very angry about what has happened, if they return they will not play, that is certain," Afghanistan coach Mir Ali Asger Akbarzola told news agencies. "I'm sorry because it's been 20 years that our national team has not played in Europe and soccer helps give hope to our entire nation."

"Va Trovali!" As if Italy doesn't have enough problems with illegal immigration. Now we have fugitive Afghan soccer players running around all over Italy kicking soccer balls.

We happily open our borders to everyone that wants to walk or float in. Why don't we just drain all of the oceans in the world so that all the immigrants can just walk over?

The Afghani coach can easily get substitute players from Calabria. This southern region looks like Afghanistan, the Calabrese are just as dangerous as the Talibans and they speak a dialect that no other region of Italy can or would want to comprehend.


Paying Through the Nose? Concorde Fan Splashes Out 115,000 Pounds

Rome - April 14, 2004 - A mystery buyer from Italy splashed out 115,000 pounds (205,000 US dollars, 175,000 Euros) for the nose cone of a supersonic Concorde airliner at an auction in Britain.

Sale organizers said the bidder wanted to install the structure which gave Concorde its distinctive needle-tipped appearance in his Milan home.

Among the 6,122 pieces of Concorde memorabilia, which went under the hammer were cockpit instruments, crockery, seats, food trolleys and toilet cubicles one of which sold for 5,500 pounds.

Mike Bannister, chief Concorde pilot for British Airways, said: "It is great to see people bidding from across the world.

"Vergogna!" This is dedicated to any of you who work hard for a living.

Why would this Italian (let's re-word that), why would anyone want to become a Concorde Fan?

Did you read the amount of money he spent for this very important cone? Makes you want to pour your cereal breakfast over your head, doesn't it?

"Ciao everybody! Please admire my very important cone."

Minchia! He must be very important. I'll bet silk comes out of the arse of this Milanese.

 

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Wacky Englishman Drags TV by Ear to Berlusconi

Milan - April 14, 2004 - British performance artist Mark McGowan has dragged a television roped to his ear through Milan to protest against what he called excessive political control over the media in Italy.

His head bandaged to hold the rope, he said he was heading for the headquarters of Fininvest, the holding company of Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

"I'm going to bring it down to Silvio," said McGowan, who scooted along on his backside through a central square, attracting puzzled looks from passers-by. He said he had covered one km (a half mile) and had another three to go.

Berlusconi, Italy's wealthiest man, owns Mediaset, the largest commercial broadcaster, through Fininvest. As prime minister, he also influences programming at state broadcaster RAI.

McGowan's other exploits have included pushing a nut with his nose through London to Prime Minister Tony Blair's residence at 10 Downing Street to protest against high education costs.

"Non capisco!" It's a good thing Signore Mark McGowan's head was bandaged. Besides holding the rope, it prevented the TV from pulling out that 'kidney pie' brain of his.

It's true that our Prime Minister has almost total control over the media in Italy. Our grandmother, in particular, is not happy about it but the thought of strapping a rope to her head and dragging a TV through the streets is something she wouldn't do.

Believe us, her 'malocchio' (evil eye) towards the TV screen can go a lot further and cause more pain.

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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