"Buon Giorno!" Welcome to another marriage counseling issue of "Only In Italy!"

Here's a fantastic letter from one of our readers regarding our "Where Have All the Bambini Gone?" issue...

Dear Only In Italy,

Your article about the low birthrate in Italy was very interesting. However, not only is the economic factor a prime consideration as a parent wants to provide the best they possibly can for their child, but social circumstances are also significant factors.

--> This is very true.

When a woman has been at work all day, or even if she does not work, it is not a pleasant experience to come home and find the house you have spent several hours cleaning with dirty plates in the sink, wet clothes all over the bathroom (if the woman is fortunate enough to have a man who showers when he comes home) or other bits and pieces which have found their way all over the house. These days life is very difficult and both partners must contribute to the maintenance of the house and parental responsibilities. I believe it is wrong for mothers to spoil their sons as they become lazy and expect their wives to do the same and also set a bad example to their own sons which can compromise their future & happiness!

--> Here comes the punch...

I have lived myself in Italy for three years in 1981, 1985/6 and 1993 which was more than three years. Some of the things I saw regarding men disgusted me. How dare a man ask his heavily pregnant wife to go down three flights of stairs and then up again to get him a glass of water! Some of these men even had unmarried brothers which they had living with them and expected their wife to cook, clean and cater to as well because they are men.

--> BINGO! Only a woman who has lived in Italy could send in this letter. This is trauma alla Italiana!

These days, people have cars to travel to work to so these men are not walking many miles to and from work. When people are doing backbreaking work on farms or construction sites it is understandable that they are exhausted when the get home. However they cannot reasonably expect a woman to cater to them like a maid. A wife is a woman that you love and your companion, not a nurse. If men want a woman to cater to them like their mother, they should stay at home. If they want to get married and have children, they should be understanding of how difficult it is for a woman to look after a house... Pauline

Thanks for all the love expressed in your letter, Pauline. Aren't Italian men just fantastic? The computers of thousands of single women who read your touching letter just crashed. You ruined their last hopes of finding happiness in an Italian household.

You obviously didn't find the Garden of Eden when you lived here for those 3 years (the apples are good, though).

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,              
"Only In Italy" Staff       

Sondrio - January 30, 2004 - What could happen to an Italian baby boy with four grandparents, eight great-grand parents and a great-great grandma?

The good life!

Nicolas Cristini was born in Colorina, Sondrio, 37 km north of Milan, to a large set of relatives who have already presented him with a soccer ball and traditional gold charms. The fifth-generation baby boy breaks the current Italian record of eleven surviving "greats" spoiling granddaughter, Martina Giudice, of Sicily.

Cristini is a clear example of the changing Italian family where one of the highest life expectancy rates in all of Europe meets one of the lowest birth rates in the world often called a 'demographic time bomb' for problems ranging from schools to healthcare to pensions.

Cristini will certainly have a very special welcome home celebration given by his nearby mountain village when all 1452 "colorinesi", including his great-great-great grandmother Ancilla Trutalli, almost 101 years old, come out to celebrate the record-breaking baby. 

"Mamma mia!" This poor, soon to be fat, bambino!

Imagine all the lasagna, eggplant and ziti parmigiana they're going to shove in the kid's face. Pavlov’s dogs weren't hassled as much as the hassling he's going to get!

And what about the record-breaking disappointment he's going to give his 13 grandparents when he flunks school.

This kid can't win. He should just put up with all the wet kisses they'll plant on him, sit back and collect all the cold cash they'll send his way for his birthdays, first communion, confirmation, wedding engagement and the 47 religious holidays Italy celebrates.

Rome - April 19, 2004 - Silvio Berlusconi's right wing government in Italy is to change the law to allow people to kill intruders without fear of imprisonment.

The justice minister, Roberto Castelli, appeared to suggest at the weekend that in addition the benefit of the doubt should be given to shopkeepers who shot robbers in the back as they left their premises.

One of the changes would include "the principle that anyone who is at home should be considered a priori under attack from a burglar and may legitimately regard himself to be in danger of his life." In these instances, "any action must be considered legitimate defense".

Mr. Castelli also intended to change the law so that it took account of the "state of mind of the victim" of a robbery. He gave as an example a shopkeeper who had just been robbed and did not have the clarity of mind to work out if the thief was leaving his shop or had other intentions.

"The legitimate use of firearms will be better disciplined without turning the country into the Wild West and without turning members of the public into sheriffs," Mr. Castelli said.

The reform would "nevertheless allow people to defend themselves in cases of unjust aggression, if necessary with gunfire".

His bill would allow householders to "use any means to defend themselves or their families". However, if the risk were merely to property, the victims of the robbery would only be within their rights "to brandish weapons without an intention to kill".

At present, the law on self defense in Italy is similar to that in Britain. The penal code says that a killing is not an offence if the killer has been "obliged by necessity" to put an end to the life of another person.

However, the use of force must be proportionate to the threat. The victim may only do what is indispensable for their protection.

"Porca Miseria, Finalmente!" It's back to the good old days!

Imagine all the Sicilians returning to wearing those suspicious looking caps that almost cover their eyes, the dark funeral vests and the carrying of shot guns over the shoulder;

"One shot in the air for the warning, second shot in the seat of your trousers if you don't move along quickly and quietly."

However; the Sicilian crime rate could shoot up or even down by 75-85%. It all depends on who's doing the warning, shooting and why.

Well, the one group of people who will benefit from this are the suspicious fathers of beautiful Sicilian daughters. You screw up once at the dinner table and they'll shoot you for trespassing on private property or attempted robbery.

Rome - April 21, 2004 - Karl Hass, a former Nazi officer convicted in the killing of 335 Italian civilians in Rome during World War II, died Wednesday in a rest home where he was serving a life sentence under house arrest, officials at the home said.

Mr. Hass, 92, had lived at the Garden Rest Home, in the Alban hills, near Rome, since December 1996. His health had been failing, and on Wednesday he had a heart attack, said the home's director, Riccardo La Rosa.

Mr. Hass, a former SS major, was sentenced in 1998 to life in prison for the killings at the Ardeatine Caves, on the outskirts of Rome, when the city was occupied by the Germans in World War II. He was spared prison because of frail health and his age, and because he had returned voluntarily from Switzerland after the sentencing.

German soldiers rounded up and shot the civilians, among them 75 Jews, in March 1944 in retaliation for a bomb attack in Rome by Italian resistance fighters that killed 33 Germans.

Both SS officers insisted at their trials that they had no choice but to follow orders.

Mr. Hass had come to Italy from Switzerland in 1996 at prosecutors' request to testify against Mr. Priebke. But he changed his mind and injured himself when he jumped from his hotel balcony in an effort to avoid taking the stand. He was then put under house arrest and later indicted.

Survivors include a daughter, Erica, who lived in Geneva, and who came every few weeks to visit Mr. Hass, Mr. La Rosa said.

"He didn't talk about the trial; he was very closed, very reserved," Mr. La Rosa said.

"Arriverderci" and goodbye. It was a pleasure knowing you and don't let the cemetery gate hit you in the ass, you drunken kraut.

The Germans are great people; a master race that drinks beer, gets excited and starts fires.

It really wasn't a good idea to bring down the Berlin Wall because they're already acting nuts again. In fact, it was a fantastic idea to split up Germany. They should've cut it in quarters.

We apologize for the apparent anger. A lot of Italians become anti-German around the summer time because the Germans clog up most of the traffic routes toward the beach resorts.