"Si si, la vita fa un po schifo." Welcome to another informative issue for pretend enthusiasts of Italian culture, "Only In Italy!"

A message to all Italian wine connoisseurs: You'll never learn. Just put wine in 2 simple categories, white and red, and stop breaking "coglioni" to the rest of us who won't bow to your expertise. "'Fanculo!"     

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Milan - October 7, 2010 - Italian researchers have discovered a key mechanism in how the skin protects itself from the most damaging sun rays, paving the way for possible advances in cancer research.

A team from Milan University under Marco Muzi Falconi and Paolo Plevani have found that, in the worst cases of sunburn, skin proteins act as "checkpoints" to give the UV-damaged DNA more time to repair itself.

"The checkpoints are a barrier against the formation of tumors," Falconi said.

"Their malfunctioning is a common marker for cancer cells".

Falconi and Plevani, whose study appears in the latest edition of the journal Molecular Cell, noted that "many pathologies are linked to damage caused by the sun's rays".

"We know many of the genes involved, but understanding how the proteins they codify specifically work may help develop therapies to prevent many diseases including cancer".

"Mamma mia", I may have burned some DNA on my "coglioni" this summer...but the tan was worth it.

Why do we sunbathe obsessively? Because a tan has always been a symbol of Italian excess. It's the language of sex.

We know what you're all thinking..."What about the very arrogant or very old Italian men who look as inappropriate as their weight and have the nerve to wear tight, undersized Speedos?" Yes, you have a good point but have you taken a good look at their tan? It's the perfect color, isn't it? You could almost come this >close< to accepting a dinner invitation from them.

Yes, most people are well aware of the damage the sun can do to their skin and can't imagine what Italians have to do to protect all the beautiful bare skin we expose at the beach. We think it's obvious we couldn't care less. We believe the sun is good for us.

Don't be surprised more Italians don't get skin cancer. Just take a look at the older folks who have already spent decades of time on the beach or on the farms without sun protection. Their skin isn't as wrinkled as you would imagine. Look at the fashion designer Valentino. He admits to occasionally overtanning his Mediterranean skin, but insists that he looks better brown.

Valentino: "I am Italian; my face is much nicer suntanned. I am never pale. I ski a lot in winter, I adore it, so I have the tan all seasons."

Ok, we have no "cazzo" of an idea what a tan has to do with skiing. He may be a fashion guru but those constant sun rays penetrating his old cranium are forcing him to make asinine statements.

Rome - October 8, 2010 - Gay police officers should work with the homosexual community to make them feel more protected after a recent wave of gay-bashing, the homosexual officers' union Polis Aperta said Friday.

"Officers who are gay would be better equipped to answer people's fears and combat hate crimes," said Polis Aperta chief Nicola Cicchitti.

There was a string of attacks on gays in Italy over the summer, prompting MPs to try to revive a bill that would make sexual orientation an aggravating circumstance in violent crimes.

"All Carabinieri in the vicinity of Trastevere and Ponte Garibaldi, be on the lookout for a gorgeous man hissing extra heavy."

"Oh, cornuto diavolo! I can't believe this! Rocco, can you give me a hand with this report?! I have these two guys here fighting over their Dolce e Gabbana underwear. I think it has something to do with who was supposed to keep the water left over from washing the underwear."

Seriously, even if Italy isn't the most tolerant country regarding same-sex couples, due to the stubborn influence of that Vatican, it has grown to accept homosexuality. Its history goes back a long way. Cave paintings from the Val Camonica region of Italy depict sex between men dating back over 8000 years. In ancient times, homosexual relationships were common among Roman citizens, particularly between masters and slaves or teachers and pupils.

Then, in the Renaissance era, some very important gay artists had drawn public attention to gay behavior: Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Caravaggio, and other immortal artists were definitely in love with other men.

Today, Italy remains a favorite romantic destination for gays all over. It is rather common to see openly gay couples walking down the streets in big cities like Rome, Milan, Florence, though university cities like Pisa also take the gay thing in stride.

But be careful, in small Southern towns it can be more dangerous to be too perky in public venues like the piazzas.

Nonno: "Look at those two cornuti...how stupid!"
"Can two guys produce a family? No!"
"Can two guys produce a guy with another girl? No!"
"Can a guy and a girl produce another guy and a girl? Yes! That’s called Famiglia!"

"Famiglia, Famiglia, Famiglia!"
"No no, you weren't listening..."

Cagliari - October 11, 2010 - The airport here in this Sardinian city had to be shut down on Monday due to a revolt by illegal immigrants held at a nearby processing center.

Authorities said some 100 immigrants had occupied the center's main building, located in an area reserved for the military at the airport, and several had taken up position on the landing strip. The occupied building is some 150 meters from the control tower and police have been moved in to keep the protestors from the airport's main passenger terminal and aircraft.

Eyewitnesses said the situation is very tense and that police have shot tear gas into the occupied building.

This is the third revolt by immigrants here in 11 days. On October 1 a dozen or so immigrants set fire to mattresses, pillows and furniture on the second floor of the processing center building.

Four days later a similar incident took place on the first floor of the building which destroyed the premises.