Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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March 2010
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"Welcome to 'Laid-Off Island"

(03/15/10)

 

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"Tanti Tanti Grazie!" Welcome to the only newsletter that would have convinced that nutty midget, Napoleon, to stop ripping off Italy, "Only In Italy!"

I absolutely love reading this site, as I am typing this I am laughing my tail off! I can hardly wait until my trip over to see some of this stuff! OMG...to think I want to obtain dual citizenship with this is downright hysterical! Politics at its best. Tammy C.

Thanks Tammy! We dare you to make the attempt of getting dual citizenship. Be prepared to enter the 'Twilight Zone'...and in black and white.

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,             
"Only In Italy" Staff      


Welcome to 'Laid-Off Island'

Sassari - March 9, 2010 - Redundant workers from a Sardinian petrochemical plant have set up their own web-based 'Survivor' show on an infamous former prison island.

The 15 laid-off workers from the bankrupt Vinyls company at Porto Torres sailed across to the island of Asinara late last month, dubbing it 'Laid-off Island'.

They are beaming images of themselves living in Asinara's closed-down maximum security jail, once home to terrorists and Mafiosi.

Laid-Off Island has drawn 75,000 supporters to a Facebook page and also has a link on the Web page of Sardinia's largest newspaper, La Nuova Sardegna, with a 'survivors journal'.

"L'Isola dei Famosi (Celebrity Survivor) will come to an end on Italian TV but we're not budging until we know what's happening to us," a worker said amid talk that Italian fuels giant ENI, Vinyls' parent company, is set to sell it to a Qatari-based oil group.

Dear Unemployed Survivors,

All of us at the news staff and the rest of Italy sincerely wish your protest will end with good news. We want to encourage you and let you know that you're not alone.

Unfortunately, your protest is falling on deaf ears for Italy's beloved government is facing much more serious problems. There are communist judges, jealous politicians, Center-left talk show hosts, so-called escorts, foreign press, and an angry ex-wife who are attempting the impossible to discredit your prime minister (and the otter implanted on his scalp) who were rightfully elected by you and God!

Stay strong and "buona fortuna!"

Excerpts from the "Laid-off Island" journal:

March 7, 10 am: "Where is Andria, our goat friend? It's been a few days since she was last seen. There are several assumptions: Peter says that she found a better pasture, Pinuccio thinks it's indigestion, Andrea thinks she was adopted, Gianmario says she's engaged. We'll update..."

March 9, 8:30 am: "A group of angry wild boars approached us. They said "a fora sos istranzos!". They made us understand we're the foreigners."

March 11, 8.30 am: "Someone wanted to try American coffee. Unbelievable crap which should never be tried again."

 

Serving Vodka To 12 Year Olds

Lodi - March 5, 2010 - A bartender in northern Italy was caught serving vodka to a 12-year-old on Thursday night by police following up on reports of underage drinking at a disco in Lodi.

Officers said they caught the man red-handed while mixing a vodka and Pepsi for a boy standing at the bar after taking money from another underage customer, 14, who'd bought a pint of beer.

The raid followed complaints by Lodi parents who suspected their children were drinking at the disco.

Both the owner and bartender were cited for serving alcohol to minors in addition to a handful of administrative violations.

They said city inspectors would also be by over concerns that the venue failed to meet safety codes.

According to a report released earlier this week by the health ministry, Italians on average start drinking earlier than in any other country in the European union.

They consume their first alcoholic beverage by the age of 12 compared to a EU average of 14 and a half, the study said.

More than 17.6% of 15-year-olds in Italy said that they drink on a regular or semi-regular basis, which the health ministry says puts them at high risk of alcohol abuse in later life.

Getting loaded on a school night?! What stupid little "bastardi!"

"Mamma mia," it's no wonder a third of 11-year-olds in the city of Milan have alcohol related problems. After a long day of arithmetic, geography and popping zits, you need to relax with couple of drinks to help wind down?

You have to question this behavior ("Cavolo", please don't ask us. We actually get bullied at the local bars from these little arrogant mules).

It's somewhat understandable that Italian families are used to giving young children a teaspoon of wine or liquor as a family party treat. But what possible entertainment could a 12-year-old find in a disco drinking vodka and cola on a Thursday night? And what fortune could a bar actually make from selling mixed drinks to kids? They're only going to pass out after the third sip.

This only reinforces the opinions of our grandfather who insists kids are stupid today because they don't learn in school.

"They're always on a plane, they go to Monte Carlo, they go to Paris!"
"When do they go to school? Those imbeciles...cornuti!"

(Huh? The kids are going to Monte Carlo instead of school?!)

We asked our grandfather if he went to school: "I went to school until I was 11 years old, after that my father said it was over! You are not too bright; you have to go to work because you are not going to be a genius! Go to work and produce something! And he was right, cazzo!"

You know, between the lunacy, our grandfather makes a lot of good points.

 

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EU Condemns Italy Again Over Naples Trash Situation

Brussels - March 4, 2010 - The European Court of Justice on Thursday condemned Italy for its failure to adopt adequate measures to deal with the trash situation in the southern region of Campania, of which Naples is the capital.

The ruling was in response to a suit filed by the European Commission after the European Union executive had determined that Italy had not responded to repeated warnings that it was in violation of the EU's Waste Framework Directive.

According to the EC the situation in Campania risked the spread of disease and pollution of air, water and land. The Italian government had asked the ECJ to reject the EC suit on the grounds that it had mounted a high-profile campaign, headed by the civil protection department, to correct the situation in Campania.

In its ruling, the ECJ agreed with the EC that the situation in Campania had put public health and the environment at risk and that Italy had "failed to create an effective management system that addresses the collection, treatment and disposal of waste in the areas where the waste was created".

The ECJ also said that "neither the opposition of the local population (to waste treatment plants) nor the failure of companies to respect contracts and not even the existence of criminal activities can justify violating (EU) obligations to build waste treatment facilities".

"Porca vacca", the EU should declare Naples a hostile foreign country like Afghanistan and then invade and civilize it. Send aid every once in a while.

How many times can you possibly condemn Italy over this? How silly. How stupid. The region's dumps reached full capacity more than a decade ago. That's it! It's over. Guessing at how to resolve this has turned into Italian art. 'Fanculo, we're amazed the legislators can see through air!

The EU is not stupid. It's well aware there is no law in the land of Naples. Itís 'Road Warrior' with bad Napolitano music. The corruption in the air is so thick, when you leave it makes you want to brush your teeth.

Along with bungling management, rat-bastard political interference, and the mafia (what a shock), the responsible for this crisis are incredibly savvy in deflecting the attention and the blame elsewhere. There is a popular saying in Italy that roughly goes like this: "everybody is competent enough to find a solution...but nobody is responsible for actually carrying it out." That's because any reasonable call to action could bring devastating consequences worse than waking up the Vesuvius volcano nearby!

One Italian newspaper suggested that a good 20% of the money went to pay for the salaries of the buffoons in charge of coming up with a solution to the problem.

"Crisis? What crisis? Minchia, my street is clean. Therefore, let's get nothing done and onwards to the next cigarette."

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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