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"Cavolo, che stress oggi!" Truman Capote once said, "Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go." We think visiting Naples is like eating fried baccala while running. "Only In Italy!" You are smart, you are funny, you are charming and entertaining, you are...standing too close to some of your facts of life. Are you only finding out about some of what's roaming around the Vatican? Heheheh. Thank you for keeping helping to keep us connected -- in a few important ways. Allo V. Grazie Allo! Sometimes, we stand a little too close for comfort...and that's when the indigestion hits! HA! Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie! Tanti Saluti,
Rome - March 22, 2010 - Italians consume the most water in Europe but up to 30% of the country's water supplies are lost before they even reach the public, various sources noted on Monday. Releasing figures to mark World Water Day, the UN warned that eight million people around the globe die each year from a lack of water, while nearly half the world's population will not have adequate access to water by 2030. This contrasts sharply with industrialized countries, many of which enjoy an abundance of water. Italy, which is the third largest consumer of water globally after the United States and Canada, has access to large national reserves of water but this is not distributed evenly. Southern Italy, Sicily and Sardinia suffer from severe shortages every summer. As a result, up to 15% of the population remains below the minimal water threshold of 50 liters per person per day for four months each year, the UN noted. These shortages can largely be blamed on rundown, faulty water-delivery systems, said one of the country's top agricultural organizations, the Italian Confederation of Farmers (CIA). CIA President Giuseppe Politi said the country's hydration system was "like a sieve", noting that the south was particularly hard hit. "Infrastructure shortcomings mean that for every 383 liters of water supplied on average to each person, only 278 ever reaches its destination," he said. "In Puglia, for example, 28% of water is lost during transit". Politi called for an urgent modernization of Italy's water network, better research into irrigation techniques and the development and promotion of best practices to deal with shortages. In a message marking World Water Day, Italian President Giorgio Napolitano also touched on problems with the country's water supplies but spotlighted the damage caused by landslides and land disturbances. He pointed the figure at illegal waste disposal by organized crime and a general failure to adhere to environmental regulations, which destabilize the land and thereby increase the likelihood of water contamination. "Irresponsible behavior and repeated violations of rules designed to safeguard the land are causing irreparable damage that is impoverishing the environment and compromising the delicate balance of the ecosystem, with catastrophic effects," said the president. He called for "much tougher action to tackle rule-breaking and environmental crimes". We can never understand why a large part of the Italian population prefers bottled water spending about 3.2 billion Euros a year. Would you believe more than 300 different brands of mineral water are present in Italy? How silly! How stupid! And they're bottled under their commercial names and with a proud and beautiful indication of the place in which they well up and are bottled. What for? Is it necessary? Our news staff has always considered calling their bluff by visiting one of these prestigious water bottling plants and asking for a guided tour. "Hmmm...what's with all the machinery? We expected to find friars and nuns on their knees, filling bottles from running springs to the sounds of ecclesiastical music. "Minchia", what a disappointment!" 96% of water that comes out of our taps is perfectly potable. But those urban Italians up north don't care for potable water because it’s very "hard" or full of calcium which would be quite beneficial for their thick racist craniums. Unfortunately, we Southern Italians are not so lucky with all the water we lose. Sicilian farmers siphon off radiators instead of gas tanks and watermelons are a rare delicacy.
Rimini - March 22, 2010 - A man who crashed his bicycle on the Adriatic Riviera Sunday night had a blood-alcohol level that usually puts people into life-threatening comas, police said. The unidentified Romanian, 48, was taken to hospital with cuts and bruises after hitting a car. Doctors found he had the second-highest blood-alcohol level ever recorded in Italy, 4.2 grams per liter. The person who holds the record almost died of an alcohol-induced coma. "He looked like he was drunk," a policeman said. "I said, I swerved into the car to avoid the Riviera that crossed my path." "Non mi scazzare i coglioni!" How do you get so crocked to the point that you could risk falling into a coma just by reading a booze ad? "Doctors found he had the second-highest blood-alcohol level ever recorded in Italy..." This is expected when you start drinking half past yesterday. "Porca miseria", what can you do? Beat him every time he reaches for a bicycle pump? Leave him alone and let him get back home to his cereal and grappa. FYI: Speaking of grappa, have any of our readers had the pleasure of trying it? It’s the only liquor that will make you feel sick to your stomach...while you're still in the bar. You suddenly get the urge to go home and pray for daylight to come as soon as possible. "He looked like he was drunk." What astonishing "polizia" work. What gave it away? His liver looking like it could weigh 45 lbs or when he threw up on your shoes?
Rome - March 23, 2010 - A Ghanaian immigrant to Italy named his son Silvio Berlusconi, after the scandal and gaffe prone Italian prime minister whom he nevertheless regards as a "great political leader," a report said on Tuesday. "I like the way Berlusconi talks, the way he moves. I like him as a person, even if I don't really follow politics," said Anthony Boahene, a 36-year-old metal worker who has been living in Italy since 2002, when Berlusconi was heading his second government. His son, Silvio Berlusconi Boahene, was born in Accra in 2005 and was brought to the northern Italian city of Modena by his father a month ago, joining his two other siblings. He might become an Italian citizen in three years. Asked his opinion about the Berlusconi government's toughening of immigration norms, Anthony Boahane told the daily Il Resto del Carlino: "It's fine, laws need to be observed and that's it. It's the same in any country. "This child will become president. Of Ghana or of Italy, it doesn't matter. I want him to study politics, to prepare himself," said Boahene. "My papa gave me the birth name. Si, he has a great sense of humor." "Cavolo", wouldn't it be so entertaining to have a little black Silvio Berlusconi running around the country acting like his father's idol? Little Silvio on himself: "I've got everything going for me. I'm young, handsome and suntanned." Little Silvio on history: "You know Papa, Mussolini was never really a bad guy." Little Silvio on social issues: "Papa, of course racism is an ever increasing problem in the world. But would I be racist to hate communists?" Little Silvio on home chores: "I am the Jesus Christ of this house. I am a patient victim, I put up with everyone, I sacrifice myself for everyone." Little Silvio for class president: "I trust the intelligence of my classmates too much to think that there are so many pricks around who would vote against their own best interests."
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